"Stop. I can't do this. Stop!" I scream.
“Sshh! We don’t want to attract attention to ourselves. Two American soldiers stuck in the middle of a warzone doesn’t bode well for us if we’re caught.”
He doesn’t need to tell me what will happen if we’re caught by the enemy. I’ve watched, or rather hid, while people lost their heads at the hands of the bad guys. It isn’t pretty out here. The enemy is ruthless.
Josh lowers me to the ground, and his hands move tangled hair out of my face. I doubt there’s any part of me that isn’t covered in dirt, blood, and grime. Concern washes over his features, but I’m too tired to care.
"You need medical help, short stuff."
I feel the tears fall down my cheeks at his nickname for me. It was a name Clay gave me when he first met me. My five feet three build amused my friends here. I might be short, but I’m a spitfire. I let nothing stop me… ever. Not even the fucking enemy chasing our tails now.
“I am the medical help.” I cough, trying to hold my ribs in the process.
Over the years, my medical training has saved limbs, drained lungs, patched holes here, there, and everywhere. I’ve saved more than I’ve lost, but now, there isn’t anyone to help me. I’m on my own.
“We’ll get out of here, just hang in there for me.” He places a gentle kiss on my forehead.
"My legs are burning," I cry.
"You were caught in a blast; you have bad burns. I lost any medical supplies we had. I'm hoping by walking this way we'll find somewhere we can get help. The bastards weren't shy this time." He coughs and clenches his own ribs.
"Are you hurt?"
My medical training kicks in and my pain and misery are quickly forgotten about. I’m a born healer. I hate to see people hurting, especially people I care about.
"I'll live. We need to keep moving. You good?"
I nod. I bite down on my lip to help tolerate the pain of moving, but it’s useless. Nothing is going to take my mind off the agony apart from strong opioids that preferably knock me into oblivious bliss.
“No locals are going to help the U.S. Army. You’re kidding yourself if you believe otherwise.”
“Don’t be so negative. Miracles do happen.”
"You should go on without me. You have a better chance alone..."
He shakes his head and cuts me off. "I'll pretend I didn't hear you say that, babe. Close your eyes and let me worry about how we get out of this. It certainly won’t be from me leaving you behind."
And that's my problem. I hate being a burden to my team. I feel like I've let them all down by being here when they're not. I should be saving them from their injuries, not being saved. For all I know, they’re lying in a ditch somewhere, praying I get to them first. And that will haunt me for the rest of my life… no matter how long I have left.
Chapter 1
7months later
Clay
I sit back in my chair and swivel around like a child would do. Closing a file on my desk, filing it away as case closed, is always a good feeling. A job well done. Time to move on to the next. That’s my routine lately; eat, work, sleep, repeat.
For nearly nine years, my two brothers and I have been running our own business here in Chicago. I guess the change was exactly what we all needed. Caleb left his career as a detective in CPD, I left the military, and Chris left his personal training behind. We come together as Shawland Security. It hasn't been an easy road, not by a long shot, but we get through everything as a team. We have each other’s backs, no matter what the situation is. We’ve faced our fair share of shit over the last few years, but we’re still a united front.
I’ve always been close to my brothers, even when we had our own separate careers. We were there for one another. If one of us was hurting, we were all hurting. Our mother made us the way we are today; she would have spanked our asses if we ever had angry words with one another. Now, our unity is something not many families have these days. My parents are proud of the men we’ve become. They tell us often enough.
“It’s an honor to have siblings. It’s not a burden like some think. Be there for one another, because then you’ll always have someone in your corner.” Those were my mother’s favorite words to us all. It worked, because all these years later, I remember them clearly. I can hear her say them, and it’s a reminder to me how much I love and need my family. I’m not ashamed to say that. Without them, I’d be a nobody. We’re only here today because of our family unit.
The last two weeks have been crazy for us all, because Caleb and his girlfriend have lived in hell, with her kidnapping, rape, and then the birth of her daughter a month early. Today is the day they got to become a proper family, with no threats hanging over their heads, because they brought their baby girl home. They’re finally safe and ready to face the rest of their lives together. Finally. We all knew they were meant to be together. We just didn’t expect them to go through the hell they did to get here.
Life throws curveballs, but sometimes those curveballs are so far off the mark, we’re left with emptiness.
That brings me to here and now. I got a call from Shay’s brother, Carrick. I hadn’t heard from him in months, not since the army stopped searching for Shay and any of her remaining squad members. When I say, ‘stopped searching’, they didn’t say that in so many words, but I’ve been there, and there comes a point when they can’t do any more. As much as it pains me, I get it. Why search for the inevitable after so long? There are only so many times they can comb through the area the team was deployed in before they have to say enough is enough.
I can’t wrap my head around never seeing Shay again. I don’t want to. Every night she haunts my dreams. Every day she plagues my mind. My short stuff. My reason for fucking breathing. I just wish I never left her there. I should have kicked up fuck, thrown her over my shoulder, and signed her discharge papers myself, but I didn’t. I walked away and left her there. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but all these years later, she took her last breath fighting for her country. I keep telling myself she died doing something she loved, but how could she love something so much that was killing her, taking her away from her family. You need to recognize when it’s time to move on. I did. Some soldiers, Shay included, are blinded by the life they lead in the army. They’re sucked in to the point they can’t get out. It’s like an addiction, one that will eventually kill you.
Why didn’t you fight for us, Shay?
I throw down my pen and growl. That call from Carrick left me in a bad mood. I hate myself for feeling like this because, just an hour ago, I was getting cuddles from my baby niece, Sharlynn. She’s adorable. It’s amazing how holding a baby makes everything feel better. It makes all your cares wash away. Nothing matters apart from that tiny bundle in your arms. You’d do anything to protect that little life. Anything at all.
“You’re working late, bro. You okay?” asks Chris as he enters my office.
I take in a deep breath and lean my head back against the chair. I’m always working late, just to ease the painful memories and the nightmares that follow. I’ll do anything to keep busy.