Max scoffed, muttering more to himself than Jeremy. “We only went out for, like, a month in September. It wasn’t serious at all. I’m too young for serious. And I was already thinking about ending it when he did, so.” He shrugged. He paused and read another message. “Now he’s acting like we had plans. What the actual fuck? No. Hell no.”
“Right. So you’re…”
Max tapped his phone. “Gay. Uh-huh.”
“Oh.” Jeremy’s head spun at the casual way Max said that. Fearless, like it was nothing.
Now Max frowned at him, still holding his phone. “What?”
“Nothing! I’m not—it’s totally okay with me. I just didn’t expect someone like you to be…” Like me.
Max arched a thick brow. “Someone like me?”
Oh God, Jeremy was screwing this up epically. This is why I don’t talk to people! He waved his hand. “You look like you’re the stereotypical captain of the football team. Or maybe soccer? Baseball? Hockey? Lacrosse? But I’m guessing football because you’re so big.” His face went hot.
Thankfully, Max laughed. “Yep, football team. The season’s over, and it’s not like we’re in the States. Not a ton of people at U of T care about football. We were two and six, so can’t blame them.”
“Right. It’s not a big deal like being captain of the hockey team.” He quickly added, “Not that it isn’t impressive! I’m not captain of anything.” Please shut up now.
Max chuckled. “It’s cool.”
Sweat prickled the back of Jeremy’s neck, and instead of shutting up, he said, “And that’s good that you’re, um, gay.” He got up and went to his desk in his corner of the room, suddenly unable to sit still although he was aching. He put down his beer and gulped from the tepid glass of water on his desk from earlier. “I mean, not good. Not that it’s bad!”
“Dude, relax. I’m not going to jump you.”
“I know!” Ugh, he didn’t want Max to think he was a homophobe. “Was one of those guys your boyfriend now?”
“Huh?” Max lifted his hips and slid his phone into his pocket. “Why would you say that?”
Jeremy tore his gaze from Max’s crotch. “You called one sweetheart or something.”
“What? We need to revisit the concussion discussion, because—oh! You mean Honey. He’s my roommate—we’ve got a basement apartment in the Annex. His real name’s Cedric, but way back during frosh week, he won a wing-eating contest. Downed fifty wings in a few minutes.”
Jeremy winced. “I feel sick just thinking about that.”
“He felt sick doing it.” Max grinned. “Hurled before he even got his dollar-store trophy. The sauce was honey garlic, and that morphed into the nickname. It’s normal to us, so I forget what it sounds like to other people.”
“Is he a football player too?”
“Yep, he was our quarterback. We’re all pretty tight.”
“And they don’t mind that you’re…” Jeremy’s heart kicked up. It was surreal to talk about it. It was surreal that he was talking to anyone! That this guy was in his room. That this gorgeous guy was like him. Aside from being a billion times more confident and good-looking. He was surely smart too if he was applying to law school. Like everyone else at school, Max seemed to have his shit together.
“That I’m queer? No, man. It’s not an issue. I’m sure there are still some ignorant assholes around, but you usually don’t have to worry about them here on campus or downtown. I’ve never had a problem.” He paused and gave Jeremy a knowing look. “If you’re nervous or curious or anything…”
Now Jeremy’s heart was pounding so hard he could hear it. “I’m not. I mean, I know I’m gay. I’m definitely gay. I’ve known for as long as I can remember. That’s not the hard part.” He forced himself to keep looking at Max. He’d actually said it out loud for the first time in months. The words floated in the air. In the world.
Max nodded. “Cool.”
Jeremy drained the water glass and fidgeted. There—he’d told someone at school. It wasn’t so bad. Even though he might throw up, he’d done it.
“You dating anyone? Having fun?”
He shook his head rapidly and opened his desk drawer to rearrange the paper clips.
“Why not? You’re really cute.”
Jeremy scoffed. “You’re just being nice.” He pushed paper clips around, his ears going hot. He could imagine how stark the freckles across his cheeks looked as he blushed. How ugly.
“So this is the part that’s a struggle?”
“Part of it, I guess.”
“Dude, you’re totally cute. Everyone loves redheads. Did you join the queer club on campus? You’d meet a ton of people. Are you nineteen?” At Jeremy’s nod, he said, “Hit the Church Street bars and hang out in the Village. Or there are plenty other queer spaces in the city. You don’t have to be nervous.”
Barking out a laugh, Jeremy closed the drawer with a thud. “You don’t know who you’re dealing with. Being nervous is my usual state of being. I’ve only said it out loud twice now.”
Max’s brows drew together. “Wait, which part?”
“That I’m…you know. Gay.” He needed to get used to it already. He needed to stop cringing when he said it, waiting to be rejected. He needed to get his shit together like everyone else on campus. Everyone else in Toronto, it seemed like. The sidewalks and subways were crammed full of people rushing around, and they all seemed to know exactly where they were going.
Too restless to sit, he went to the window between the beds in the shoebox of a room and pulled back the curtain. “Still snowing.”
“I won’t stay too long, don’t worry.”
“No, I don’t mean that you should go!” Now he was being rude when Max had gone out of his way to help. When he’d been a hero. “Really.” Jeremy paced over to the desk to grab his beer before sitting on the side of his bed again, facing Max.
“Cool.” Max sipped his beer. “So you’re not out to many people yet?”
“Just my parents. I’m not allowed to tell my little brother yet, or anyone one else in the family. I think they’re hoping it’s a phase. Or they’re just completely ashamed of me. Or both.”
“Shit. That’s brutal. I’m sorry.”
Jeremy shrugged it off. “Anyway.” The last thing he wanted to do was burst into tears. “My roommate Doug knows. Although I never told him myself—we had to fill out these info forms with allergies and likes and dislikes. I wrote it on there.” He cleared his throat, putting on an announcer voice. ‘Hey, I’m Jeremy. I’m from the West Coast, I have a pineapple allergy, I always heat up cold pizza, and I’m really into dudes. Great to meet you.’ Maybe not those exact words.”
Max narrowed his gaze. “Wait, you heat up cold pizza? In the microwave or oven?”
Jeremy was relieved Max was letting the stuff about Jeremy’s parents drop. “Oven preferred, but microwave will do.”