Home > Mistletoe Kisses(2)

Mistletoe Kisses(2)
Author: Anna B. Doe

Naomi used her free hand to pat me on the bicep. “You’ll find the right one eventually, Griff.” She started walking to the house, adding, “Door’s unlocked. Thanks again for the board. You know I’ve been lusting after it.”

You’ll find the right one eventually. Maybe I already had, and that was the problem.

 

 

Naomi


I’d been in love with Griffin Perry for as long as I could remember. Yes, love. Sure, when I was a little girl it was more like a crush, but I’d always seen him clearly. Most people didn’t bother looking past the superficial, which was pretty damn enticing: charming as hell, incredible skateboarder and extremely successful businessman. Oh, and I guess his looks weren’t so bad either. Really, his looks were the first thing everyone noticed and it was hard to get past them. His sister Summer, my best friend, was the same way. I almost felt sorry for them with their gorgeous blonde hair, perfect features, and heart-melting smiles. Even I found myself sighing dreamily and ogling them, yes both of them, because their beauty was just that incredible. I understood why people often never got beyond it, even if it drove me nuts.

Anyway, as a young kid Griffin might have been like a second big brother in a lot of ways, but he was also the reason why I couldn’t bring myself to be interested in boys my own age. Other girls had movie star or rock star infatuations, but I had Griffin. I knew it was wrong. I knew it would never happen and couldn’t be reciprocated. But I couldn’t help it. Loving Griffin Perry was simply part of my makeup. And really, who could blame me?

Now he was thirty-three years old to my twenty-three, and he was still single. Well, he would be soon. I’d never let my heart hope, but I was starting to wonder, was there a chance Griff might be able to stop seeing me as a little sister?

Griff was usually filled with happy energy and easy smiles, but I knew tonight it wasn’t quite as authentic. Rebecca was here, hanging with our family, and it was all wrong. At least, to me it was, and I knew it made me a bad person, but I took comfort – a lot of it – knowing Griff agreed with my sentiment.

When we sat around the living room after dinner, stuffed and relaxed, I tried to keep my eyes off Rebecca and Griff sharing an armchair.

My brother Beck started walking around to each of us, passing out gifts.

“Wait, I thought we were doing presents after you guys got back around New Year’s,” I protested. I didn’t have mine ready yet.

“We will, this is just a little something we wanted to do before we left,” Beck’s wife Jordan explained. She was sitting beside me on the couch. Now Jordan was someone who had fit in with our family instantly. Our two families, I should clarify, since we’ve already established my feeling for a certain somebody went beyond familial. I knew that someday, Griffin might bring a girlfriend home who fit in like Jordan had. It wasn’t impossible. I’d been bracing for that day ever since he started dating women seriously about five years ago.

I took my present, but before I got a chance to start ripping the wrapping paper, my mom started sobbing. She clutched a shirt to her chest with one hand, the other hand covering her mouth.

“I’m going to be a grandmother!” She hugged my dad beside her before jumping up and hugging Beck, then she was running over to Jordan. “This is the best gift I’ve ever received. Thank you so much, honey.”

My own eyes welled up and as soon as Mom let Jordan go I threw myself at my sister-in-law. “How are you feeling? No wonder you didn’t get thirds like you usually do. How far along are you? Do you know if it’s a girl or a boy?” I bit my lip before I could fire more questions.

Beck took his spot on Jordan’s other side and put an arm around her as she answered. “I’m ten weeks, and not throwing up but definitely queasy. We’re going to find out gender but we don’t know yet.”

As I unwrapped the gift in my lap and pulled out my tee shirt declaring me “the favorite aunt,” my eyes darted to Griff again. He held up a shirt saying “the favorite uncle” and we grinned at each other.

Summer laughed as she showed me her shirt which also said “the favorite aunt.” Every single thing about this moment was a happy one, except my stomach sank a little anyway. It was the reminder that even if we weren’t blood-related, Griff and Summer were family, as much siblings to Beck as I was.

I thought I hadn’t let myself hope that Griff could be something else to me, but in this moment, I realized I had. It was time to let go of that hope, once and for all.

If Rebecca being here tonight felt slightly off, I couldn’t even imagine how much things would be thrown off if I tried to show Griff how I really felt about him. Even if there was a small possibility he would be able to see me as anything other than a little sister, we couldn’t do anything about it. If things didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be a quick split and then we’d go back to normal. It wouldn’t be just breaking off with a girlfriend, like Griff planned to do with Rebecca. Nope, I’d risk changing our family dynamic forever, making things permanently strained.

Even as my chest hurt with the reality I was making myself face, I smiled anyway. I was going to be an aunt, and at least I had Griff in my life permanently, even if his love for me would always be brotherly.

 

 

One week later


It was the Brazen holiday party, and I’d probably had too much to drink for a work function. This was not typical for me, but I was in a mood. A weird mood that I couldn’t quite put my finger on because I’d never experienced it before.

I’d heard the gossip. Brazen work parties, and especially the holiday party, had a tendency to get wild. The impression I got was that it was a free pass to hook up with colleagues without worrying too much about the consequences. People pretended to forget it ever happened afterward.

This kind of opportunity was also not something I would normally be interested in, which was why I was drinking too much.

Griff had broken up with Rebecca, and I’d been working hard to squash the usual dreams that popped into my mind whenever he was between girlfriends. I was twenty-three years old; it was time for me to accept the futility of the situation and move on. If I could be realistic about everything else in my life, I could do it about this too.

Turned out being realistic required liquid courage. Of course, I knew that hooking up with a colleague wasn’t the cure-all, but it was a step in the right direction. It wasn’t as if Griffin needed me to send a message, since he didn’t know how I really felt, but I needed to make the declaration anyway. For myself.

There were three guys at Brazen I’d considered hook-up possibilities tonight. One had already been crossed off the list because he was too drunk, but the other two were still on my radar. Nate from marketing and Quentin from sales. Nate was in his thirties while Quentin was closer to my age. I didn’t think I necessarily had a thing for older guys, but I’d discovered years ago that most guys my age found me intimidating. I guess I didn’t have the Perry charm that made everyone feel warm and cozy. But if a guy was intimidated by me, it was hard to find him attractive. As a result, the only guys I’d dated were at least a few years older than I was.

Quentin must have caught me eyeing him because he made a beeline in my direction as I thanked the bartender for the wine refill.

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