- you just lost perspective
what we lived through
is living in us
i am not a victim of my life
what i went through
pulled a warrior out of me
and it is my greatest honor to be her
for the love of my life
i am trying my best to have hope
i’ll keep greeting each morning
with an i will
when it feels like i can’t
i will
i will
i will
meet a day that will melt me
i will move and the sadness will
fall off my shoulders
to make room for joy
i will be full of color
i will touch the sky again
i want a parade
i want music
i want confetti
i want a marching band
for the ones surviving in silence
i want a standing ovation
for every person who
wakes up and moves toward the sun
when there is a shadow
pulling them back on the inside
our pain is the doorway to our joy
i’m tired of being disappointed
in the home that keeps me alive
i’m exhausted by the energy it takes
to hate myself
- i’m putting the hate down
sometimes
i love you means
i want to love you
sometimes
i love you means
i’ll stay a little while longer
sometimes
i love you means
i’m not sure how to leave
sometimes
i love you means
i have nowhere else to go
i have difficulty separating
abusive relationships
from healthy ones
i can’t tell the difference
between love and violence
- it all looks the same
i was trying to make him the one
and it took me three years to realize
love doesn’t work like that
men like him are experts at
smelling out girls like me
the invisible ones
who believe they must be ugly
because their fathers didn’t love them
he said my name
and i had never heard my name
dance off a man’s lips before
give a little attention
to someone who’s never had any
and they’ll be slipping and falling
all over the place
unable to contain the joy
of being wanted
the relief of being discovered
he groomed me into thinking
i couldn’t survive without him
this is how men like him
trap girls like me
- predator
don’t ask me why i didn’t leave
he made my world so small
i couldn’t see the exit
- i’m surprised i got out at all
if someone doesn’t have a heart
you can’t go around
offering them yours
each time i showed you a piece of heaven
it was a warning
every stroll we took
through the garden of my life
all the flowers that bloomed for you
the peacocks that sang your name
were a sign
yet
after seeing all my magic
you hit your head and lost it
went and scattered yourself across this town
thinking if you were lucky enough to taste me
you’d get your hands on something better
everything dulled in comparison
now you’re back
body spilling all over my floor
begging me
to crush you with my thighs
pull you into my hips
transcend you to heaven with my pussy
i had you on the greatest trip of your life
i had you seeing visions
each time i showed you a piece of heaven
every stroll we took through the garden of my life
all the flowers that bloomed for you
the peacocks that sang your name
were a sign of all you’d lose
if you betrayed me
- consequences
if you’re waiting for them
to make you feel like you’re enough
you’ll be waiting a long time
i’m leaving
cause i’m not happy here
i don’t want to reach the end of my life
still having doubts about
the man i’ve been with
since my twenties
why does everything
become less beautiful
once it belongs to us
it took me getting into a healthy relationship
to realize i shouldn’t be scared
of the person i love
i used to cry
because i could not find
a good man to love me
now i have one and
he isn’t enough
the others were always
halfway out the door
- that’s what made them alluring