The fire on Celia’s lace nightmare was contained quickly and the foam managed the added benefit of covering Celia from head to toe. Ronald stepped out from behind the curtain and wagged his finger at her.
“That’s what you get for wearing cheap fabric,” he said before stomping off stage.
What remained of the crowd erupted in applause and Gertie and the firemen took a bow. Scooter, who’d had a prime view of the back—and uncovered—side of Celia, yanked one of the curtains down and threw the entire thing over her. A second round of applause ensued, and Scooter grabbed one of Gertie’s claws and they bowed together.
“I think I need to start drinking,” Walter said.
“You already drink,” Ida Belle said.
“I meant seriously,” he said. “Maybe professionally.”
I nodded. “You’ve got your whiskey. I’ve got my funnel cake. Who’s up for round four?”
Chapter Two
After I snagged my funnel cake, Ida Belle and I headed backstage to see if Gertie needed any help while Walter checked in with the firemen on the condition of the tent, figuring Sinful might be footing the bill for damage. Scooter was tugging at her leg, trying to get the dragon costume off, and Ronald was hovering nearby, giving Scooter directions that included things like ‘don’t pull on the scales or they’ll come loose’ and ‘don’t mar the jewels with your sweaty hands.’ Gertie looked up as we approached.
“About time you two showed up,” she said.
“I needed reinforcements.” I held up the funnel cake.
“Give me,” Gertie said. “My mouth tastes like jet fuel.”
Since she was still wearing the claws, I tore off a piece and popped it in her mouth. She closed her eyes and chewed, then sighed. “That was heavenly.”
“Compared to jet fuel, I imagine a lot of things are,” I said.
“You didn’t have jet fuel in your mouth, did you?” Ida Belle asked.
“Well, not jet fuel exactly,” Gertie said. “We don’t have jets in Sinful and I couldn’t get anyone at the airport in NOLA to sell me any.”
“Thank God,” Ida Belle grumbled.
“So I got some fuel from Bomber Bruce,” Gertie said.
Bomber Bruce was a former Navy pilot who had some prop planes and a skydiving school near Sinful. The last time we’d tried skydiving with him, Gertie had defrocked a nun, assaulted a cemetery, and generally upset most of the Catholics in Sinful. I made a mental note that when Bomber Bruce was involved—even peripherally—someone ended up with no clothes.
“Carter ought to arrest him for selling you plane fuel and arrest you for buying it,” Ida Belle said.
Scooter nodded. “Especially as we all had to see Celia in her drawers. Why does that keep happening? I’m going to need therapy or some of those antianxiety drugs.”
“Someone should really have a heart-to-heart with that woman about her wardrobe choices,” Ronald said.
“You want to volunteer for that?” Ida Belle asked.
Ronald’s eyes widened. “Good Lord, no! I can’t stand the witch. She’s everything wrong with fashion.”
“Celia is everything wrong with being human,” Gertie said.
Ronald nodded. “Well, if you no longer need my assistance, I’m going to get this dress off. I need to change into something that doesn’t present so many difficulties when nature calls.”
I grabbed the other leg of the costume and with Ida Belle and Scooter pulling from the top, we finally managed to get the suit off Gertie. Thank God, she’d had the good sense to wear clothes underneath although the bike shorts and tank top would have probably been better suited on someone who bothered to exercise regularly and was born in this century. But at least it wasn’t big white drawers.
“What happened to Celia?” I asked.
“The firemen held the curtain so that she could walk to her car,” Scooter said.
“Unfortunately,” Gertie cut in, “she has a change of clothes and claims she will not be missing the fair on my account.”
“I guess that white foam in her hair will go with whatever she brought with her,” Ida Belle said.
“Maybe she’ll wear a hat,” I said.
“Or do us all a favor and wear a mask,” Gertie said.
Scooter grinned. “The firemen told me she yelled about Carter not arresting Gertie and Ronald the entire way to the car. Once they ditched her at her vehicle, they went straight to Marie to talk about the pay scale when they had to see people like Celia half naked.”
“They need to tough it,” Gertie said. “If we paid bonuses for every employee who saw a resident half naked, we’d go broke in a week.”
“Maybe we could make a list of the people we’d like to see half naked and charge for it to offset the cost,” Scooter said, giving me a side glance.
“That’s going to be a short list,” Ida Belle said.
“Don’t look at me for volunteers,” I said. “I already have a job and I used to kill people for a living. I’m not inclined to step backward.”
Scooter looked a tiny bit afraid and made a hasty exit just as Walter wandered up.
“What the heck were you thinking?” Ida Belle asked. “You could have sent the entire place up in flames.”
“I was perfectly in control until Celia distracted me,” Gertie said. “But when you have the gas ready to go, you can’t just swallow it because someone wants you to stop production. I can’t stand the woman as it is. No way I’m losing a kidney over her.”
“That’s not the point,” Ida Belle said. “You know how you are. Did you really think fire-breathing was the best choice given your history with things that ignite?”
“I went to New Orleans and had private instructions,” Gertie argued. “And I’ve been practicing a lot.”
Ida Belle’s eyes widened. “This is why your storage shed burned down, isn’t it?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Gertie said.
“Lightning my butt,” Ida Belle said.
Walter’s eyes widened and he looked slightly pained.
I laughed. “So what do you guys want to do now? Rides? Games?”
“The games are rigged,” Gertie said. “The rides are cool. Just let me throw on some clothes, then I say we go do that one that flings you upside down.”
Walter looked up at a creaking Ferris wheel and shook his head. “I don’t know how much I’d count on correct maintenance on those things. Scooter said he has a whole pocket full of nuts and bolts that he found walking the grounds. Tends to give one pause.”
“Not me,” Gertie said. “Can’t be any more dangerous than the things we do when we’re on a case.”
I nodded. “So let’s go get flung upside down then before I have more funnel cake.”
Walter looked over at Ida Belle. “Professionally. That whole drinking thing? Probably starting tonight.”
Ida Belle patted his shoulder. “Maybe in the future, you shouldn’t attend things when Gertie’s coming. It could add years to your life.”