Like it’s magic, my mind erupts.
Is that what this place is?
“Human consciousness created Infinity, and everything that’s created can also be controlled. In time you will learn how to make your mark here. You will learn to awaken the parts of your consciousness that were so limited in your biological life. But first you must drink.” He flicks his fingers, and the liquid swirls higher, circling above the statue like a halo of shimmering ribbons. “This is the Fountain of Eternity. The essence it carries is the same as what’s preserved in the pill that was offered to you. If you take the pill—if you drink from this fountain—you will complete your transition. Infinity will become yours to explore and shape. It will become the paradise your mind craves.”
I want so much to feel excitement over the fact that all my fantasies about having superpowers might actually come true, but I don’t know enough about this place to trust anyone. Maybe not even myself.
I’m dead. I lost my entire family in a single moment. Everything after—everything now—I’m not sure I want to be excited about anything ever again.
Because I wasn’t ready to die.
The thump behind my eyes doesn’t slow. It would be so easy to shut it off, to take a sip from this ethereal pool and never feel pain again.
And I deserve paradise. At least, I feel like I do. I was a pretty good sister to Mei. I respected my parents, and I was always nice to cashiers. I’ve never been in a fight. I’ve never cheated on anyone or did something horrible behind someone’s back. And okay, sometimes I’d talk to Finn about how selfish Lucy could be, but that was just venting. Nobody gets through life without venting now and then.
Not to mention I was murdered. They’ll probably refer to me as a “child” in the news. That has to deserve paradise, right?
And yet…
I make a face, shifting pieces of this puzzle around in my mind, trying to make sense of what I’m seeing. What I’m hearing.
The man’s expression reflects only patience.
Still, I shake my head. “Why didn’t anyone explain all this when I first woke up, instead of trying to give me fake pills?”
“We didn’t want to overwhelm you,” he answers simply.
“I don’t care about being overwhelmed—I care about being deceived,” I argue, surprised at how bold death has made me. I’ve never spoken to a stranger like this before, but something has changed inside of me. Something that’s urging me to fight.
Another light flickers nearby, and this time when I turn, I see them along the floor—an entire trail of white lights along the edges of the corridor, moving away from me in a continuous, fluid motion.
When I look back at the man, he’s still watching me like he hasn’t noticed them at all.
An odd smile is plastered across his stiff face. “This is how we’ve always done things.”
“Why do you keep saying ‘we,’ like you’re different from me? Are you—” I hesitate, chewing at my thoughts like they’ve gone stale. “Are you an angel?”
He raises his eyebrows. “Nothing so fantastical. We are merely here to help you transition.” A moment passes, like he’s waiting for me to soak in the information. “I can see you’re suffering. The ache in your head is nothing compared to the ache in your soul. You did not have a gentle death, and for that I’m truly sorry.”
The pop of the bullet echoes in my head. I hope that little girl is okay. I hope Mei is okay too.
Does she know I’m gone yet?
I pull my eyes away and try to keep my shoulders from trembling. Maybe I’m too angry to think clearly.
The man tilts his head slightly, coaxing my attention back to him. “Infinity offers you peace. When you drink from the fountain, your pain will leave and never return. Fear, regret, worry—they won’t exist anymore. You will live the life your mind truly desires. A life of happiness, existing in your own paradise.”
“What’s the other option?” I ask quietly.
He flinches, jarred by a resistance I’m not even sure I know how to defend.
But all I can think of is the message Dad sends over and over again in Tokyo Circus: question everything.
“I cannot make your pain go away,” he says finally. He turns to walk away but calls over his shoulder as he ascends the stairs, “Take your time, Nami. It is your choice and your choice alone.”
When he’s gone, I turn back to the fountain. It flickers like it’s beckoning to me, and of course it is. My mind and soul are hurting, and this world—whatever Infinity is—it’s trying to help me. These people are trying to help me.
But the perfection scares me. Everything feels like it was created from a computer game. And the way everyone keeps offering me paradise like it’s a coupon for a free ride at a fair…
It’s too easy. And if Dad and his comics have taught me anything, it’s that nothing is ever easy.
Maybe death most of all.
The lights draw my gaze, and I look down the corridor, desperate for proof that my vision isn’t playing as many tricks on me as I feel these people are. And I see it again: the flicker of white lights moving farther down the hall.
I watch them light up, over and over, wondering what it means.
A light. An arrow. A path.
My heart tugs—if I even have a heart left—and I’m certain the lights are calling to me, the way the strange water calls to me too.
Only the lights don’t feel like a trick; they feel like the truth.
And I know I shouldn’t do it. I know I’m pushing boundaries in a place I don’t fully understand.
But I can’t help it.
I follow the lights.
5
IT SURPRISES ME HOW HEAVY my footsteps sound when technically my physical body doesn’t exist anymore, but they thud against the cold floor one after the other, their beat somehow matching the thumping in my head. My nerves jolt my body into a hurried pace, and I chase the moving lights through corridor after corridor, ignoring the nagging feeling that I’m losing myself in a maze I have no way of escaping.
Maybe the rogue lights mean something. Maybe they don’t mean anything at all. Maybe wandering this far means I’m breaking a hundred rules that I don’t even know about.
But I’m already dead. What do I have left to lose?
The unsubtle flicker increases in speed, like a high-voltage spark racing through a wire. It’s telling me to hurry. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I can feel it.
The lights are speaking to me.
I burst into a quick jog, turning another corner hoping it will be the last, and skid to a halt when I realize I’m about to collide straight into the woman from upstairs.
I try to catch my breath—wonder if I even have a breath—and straighten my body so that we’re eye level. Mind racing, I press my lips together and hope the first excuse that comes to me is a believable one. “I needed to move around. Endorphins help me think.”
She blinks, and I know she doesn’t believe a word I’ve said. “You need to come with me.” She extends an arm, and her fingers brush against my skin before I manage to take a step back.
There’s movement in her cold stare, like she’s coming to life. Does she want me to fight back? Is this some kind of weird test?