My brows lifted. “Okay? I don’t know what to tell you about that.”
He didn’t seem to hear me as his eyes brightened. “You smell like…”
“If you say I smell like Casteel again, I will punch you in the face,” I promised. “Hard.”
“You do smell like him, but that’s not it.” He shook his head. “You smell of death.”
“Wow. Thanks. But if I do, that is not my fault.”
“You don’t understand.” Kieran eyed me for a moment longer and then turned, starting up the stairwell once more.
No. I didn’t understand, and I really didn’t want to.
I sniffed the sleeve of my tunic. It smelled like…roasted meat.
“Earlier, you said you didn’t feel sympathy for any of them,” he said as I followed him.
“That hasn’t changed,” I said. “They wanted me dead.” We stepped out of the stairwell and onto the covered walkway. Damp, cold air greeted us. “But I can’t help but feel pity for Mr. Tulis.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“Well, I do.” Shivering, I ducked my chin against the sharp gust of wind. “He was given a second chance. He threw it away. I feel pity for that choice and for his wife and son. And I guess I feel sorry for the families of any of them that are now on that wall.”
Kieran fell into step beside me, taking the brunt of the wind. “The pity for the families is rightfully placed.”
I stopped in surprise but said nothing.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I murmured.
He issued a soft chuckle. “You think I’m not capable of compassion?”
I glanced out over the yard below. A fine layer of snow shone brightly in the moonlight. Beyond, I saw nothing but the thick darkness of the encroaching woods. It was strange to look out and not see a Rise, the often-mountainous walls constructed from limestone and iron mined from the Elysium Peaks. The sleepy town of New Haven had one, but it was much smaller than what I was accustomed to in both Masadonia and Carsodonia.
“I don’t know what you’re capable of,” I admitted, touching the banister’s cool wood as the wind picked up, lifting the shorter strands of my hair that had escaped my braid. “I hardly know anything about the wolven.”
“My animal side doesn’t cancel out my mortal one,” he replied. “I’m not incapable of emotions.”
My gaze cut to his. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just…” I trailed off. What had I meant? “I guess I did mean it like that. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. It’s not like you’ve met many wolven,” he reasoned.
“Yes, but that’s no excuse.” I gripped the railing with one hand. “There are a lot of different people from various places that I haven’t met and know nothing about. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to make assumptions.”
“True,” he replied, and I almost cringed. How many times had I made assumptions about the Atlantian people? The Descenters? Biases were taught and learned. Maybe that wasn’t my fault, but that didn’t make it acceptable.
But nobody at that table had even twitched in their seats as Casteel killed Landell. What did that say about them? “Is what happened tonight common?”
“Which part? The marriage proposal or the open-heart surgery?”
I shot Kieran a dark look. “Landell.”
He studied me for a moment, and then his stare turned to the yard and the trees. “Not particularly. Even if you don’t see this yet or don’t want to, Cas is not a murderous tyrant. Honestly, it’s rare that any question him. Not because what he does or doesn’t do is always reasonable, but because he has no problem getting blood on his hands to assert his authority to get what he wants or to keep those he cares for safe.”
There was a measure of relief, knowing Casteel didn’t rip hearts out of chests often. That was a good thing…I guessed. Although, I didn’t dare believe that I fell into the category of those he cared for. I was someone he needed.
“What Cas did wasn’t about Landell questioning him.” Kieran angled his body toward me. “It wasn’t as simple as Landell not being able to understand how or why the Prince would choose you. It wasn’t even about him challenging Cas. Atlantians and wolven do anything to protect their home, and it was clear that Landell saw you as a threat to it,” Kieran told me, and I wondered what I had to do with Landell’s concern over their land growing too small and useless. “Cas was right to do what he did. If he hadn’t, Landell would’ve thrown that dagger he pulled. There will be others who will want to do the same thing.”
Dread settled in my bones. “Was Landell another warning, then? How many warnings will there need to be?”
“As many as are needed.”
“And that doesn’t bother you? Some of them are your friends, right?”
“If someone is idiot enough to insult and threaten you in front of Cas, it’s likely someone I wouldn’t have been particularly close to in the first place.”
I almost laughed at that, but none of this was funny. “Everyone seems so full of emotion one moment and then absolutely apathetic the next.”
“You haven’t tried to feel my emotions to know what I am feeling?” Kieran asked, delivering another dose of the unexpected. My gaze cut to him.
Then I remembered that Kieran had been there when I used my gift to ease the pain of a dying guard. Still, it was bizarre to discuss this with anyone after spending so long forced to hide my abilities and never speak of them.
“Cas told me that it started with you only being able to sense and ease pain. But he also said that changed.”
I nodded. “It did change, only a little while ago. I don’t know why. I asked the Duchess about it because I thought maybe the first Maiden had been able to do the same.” Tension crept up my neck. Duchess Teerman had told me that the first Maiden’s gift had grown from sensing pain to reading emotions, and that the growth was because she was near her Ascension—like I was. Honestly, little was known about the first Maiden. Not even her name or what era she lived in. But the Duchess had insinuated that the Dark One had killed the first Maiden.
Casteel.
I shivered, and I didn’t think it had anything to do with the cold. “I haven’t tried to read your emotions. I try not to do that since it feels like an invasion to do so.”
“Maybe it is a breach of privacy,” he agreed. “But it would also give you an upper hand when dealing with people.”
It could.
“Do you think he’s told others?” I asked.
“Cas? No. The less others know about you, the better,” he answered, and my brows rose. “I don’t know of any Atlantian alive today who can experience what others feel.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m not sure yet.” He started walking. “You coming? Or are you planning to stay out here and turn into an ice cube?”
Sighing, I pulled myself away from the railing and went to where he stood in front of the door.
He slipped a key from his pocket. “Your ability would especially help you when it comes to dealing with Cas.”