Home > Dirty Deeds : An Urban Fantasy Collection(4)

Dirty Deeds : An Urban Fantasy Collection(4)
Author: Faith Hunter

Dragon pig stood on its back legs, that little pink curl of a tail wagging like mad. It grunted, a tiny piggy sound, and Piper chuckled. “Of course I didn’t forget you.”

She placed a folded towel on the table. I lifted the corner and found six broken forks.

“New hire has been a little hard on the cutlery,” she said.

A clash and shatter sounded from the kitchen. Everyone in the diner went silent. Heads turned as if they could see the disaster through the walls.

Piper just shook her head. “That’s my cue. Excuse me.” She spun and was across the room, pulling a bottle of ketchup out of her apron and plunking it down in front of a family of four before she powered into the kitchen.

“Good manners,” I told the dragon pig. “No feet on the table.”

The dragon pig instantly dropped back onto the seat. I smuggled it a fork, which it chomped down in one bite.

“You were saying?” I asked Frigg.

“I’ve been storing them for over a year now,” she said.

“The god powers?”

She nodded, her mouth full of burger.

Jean was taking selfies with a spoon of clam chowder. I stabbed chicken, spinach, and dried cranberry and chewed. “That’s long enough,” I said. “The hand off to a new keeper shouldn’t be hard. Who’s up next?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. We’ve done the full rotation. Every god has covered a year of watching over the resting powers. I think we should give the new guy a crack at it.”

Jean stopped posing and tuned back into the conversation. “Really?”

“Than,” I said. “You want Death to look after all the gods’ powers.” It wasn’t a question, so Frigg didn’t answer it. She just stuck another fry in her mouth.

Oh, this could go wrong. So very wrong. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

“Is that hesitation I hear in your voice? Is there something about Than taking over the powers I should be worried about?”

“Just that this is the first time in his existence he’s vacationed.”

She did that “maybe” wobble with her hand.

“The first time he’s vacationed in Ordinary,” I amended.

“True. Don’t think he can handle being guardian of the powers?”

“I think he’ll do fine. But I want to go over the rules and expectations with him first.”

Which meant cancelling another vacation plan. Ryder was going to kill me.

“When did you want to hand them off?” I asked.

“Think he can get it all together by this weekend?”

Jean cleared her throat and coughed. It sounded like vacation.

“Actually,” Frigg said, “Than’s a go-getter. Tell him to step it up. Tomorrow morning would be better.”

Jean gave her a thumb’s up. I just rolled my eyes. “I’ll let you know if he’s ready by then.”

“Works for me. Where are you going on vacation, anyway?”

I stabbed at a piece of romaine, the tines crunching and snapping the spine of the leaf, as I imagined every person who had asked me that over the last month.

“Somewhere outside Oregon,” Jean said. “Right? That pretty bed and breakfast?”

“We haven’t decided yet. We have deposits on a couple places, and Ryder has a pile of backups if those fall through.” I stuffed salad in my mouth and wished the carrots and celery were loud enough to drown out the questions I knew they were about to ask.

Why haven’t you gone yet? Is it because of the upcoming wedding? Are you and Ryder okay? What’s wrong?

I didn’t want to answer any of those things. Not after months of it. Because nothing was wrong. It was just Ordinary being Ordinary, and me trying to keep it safe.

“You know,” Frigg said, picking up on my mood. “There are many beautiful and interesting places in the world. Sometimes letting fate take the reins will put you on the best path.”

“Road trip,” Jean said. “Hell yeah. Just flip a coin at every intersection. Heads, right, tails, left, show up wherever you arrive.”

“What if I want to go straight ahead?” I asked.

Frigg lifted her burger, tucking some of the onions back between the buns. “Then just commit to the decision. Stop worrying.” Her gaze met mine, her eyes sharp with something that made me feel like she was looking a lot deeper into me than I wanted. “And go.”

She took a huge bite of the burger, and I wondered if that was the solution. Just go.

Could it be that easy?

My phone pinged. Ryder again.

I’ll take that as a no.

I didn’t text back.

The phone pinged.

Let’s talk tonight at home. Ok?

Really, he’d been more than patient.

I texted: Have to see Than. Will be home later.

Did you feed the dragon pig?

It had a snack.

He sent a thumbs up and a heart.

I sent three hearts and a kissy face.

“I’ve got this one.” Jean’s fingers and thumb flew over her phone.

“Problem?”

“I don’t think so. Hatter just texted that there was a complaint at Mom’s Bar and Grill. Something about a stripper? Gonna make sure there isn’t a problem.”

More delays. I swallowed a groan. “Fine, let’s go.”

“No. You,” she stood and pointed at me, looking every inch an officer of the law, “go talk to Than. I’ll handle this. Hatter’s headed there. Kelby too.”

Hatter was a police officer we’d stolen from a town up north, and Kelby was a giantess, who was one of our reserve officers like Ryder and Than. She had a way about her that took the heat out of confrontations and left everyone laughing.

“That’s Kelby now.” Jean’s gaze moved from the widow beside me back to my face. “Look, I know you’re worried about stuff. And I know it’s been… well, nuts lately.”

I stabbed a carrot and shoved it in my mouth.

“But would you just go already?” She smiled to soften the words. “I promise you’ll have a lot of fun and you’ll be so happy you did it.”

“Who knows,” Frigg added. “You might even relax.”

“The horror,” Jean said with a grin. “Go. Wherever he picks, just say yes and go.”

She turned and jogged out the door before she’d even gotten her coat on and zipped.

Kelby flashed her headlights, Jean ducked into the vehicle, then they pulled a cookie and headed south into town.

I watched the car until I couldn’t see it anymore. There were little toys lined up along the windowsill, the plastic ones that ran on solar power. They all seemed to be waving good-bye.

“You want to talk to me about why you’re afraid of going on vacation?” Frigg asked.

“When have I said I was afraid?”

She just took another bite of the burger and waited.

“I’m here because you,” I held up a fork of spinach and stabbed it toward her, “called me here.”

“You’ve been planning your vacation since November.”

“Ever tried to be Chief of Police in this town?”

She shook her head.

“Smart.” I chewed the spinach, she went after the burger again, and Willie sang on about being on the road.

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