Home > Laurel's Bright Idea(4)

Laurel's Bright Idea(4)
Author: Jasinda Wilder

“I guess not,” I asked. “I asked him exactly that question, and his response was, well, ‘I was already in the area. I figured we’d go back to my place and I’d shower and change.’”

Zoe snorted. “Ooh, sexy. Didn’t you want to take a shower with a man who smelled like raw sewage?”

“Right?” I asked, cackling. “Isn’t that every girl’s fantasy?”

“And I’m guessing Mr. Plumber didn’t get a second ride on the penny pony,” Kat asked.

I shook my head. “He did not. I got out at a red light and walked home.”

“You got out a stop light and walked home?” Teddy asked. “That seems kinda harsh, even considering.”

I stared her down. “You weren’t in that van with that smell. You ever smell something that stinks so bad you can taste it? Like, in the back of your throat? It was like that. Literally nauseating.”

Teddy made a face. “Wow. I guess it’s more understandable. Did he not notice the smell?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. I guess not. I mean, maybe he was used to it? I really don’t know. But that’s my worst date ever story.”

“That’s pretty bad,” Autumn said. “But I have a better topic of discussion, seeing as I’m about to get married. Best dates.”

“Well if that’s what we’re talking about,” Zoe said, “then you and Lizzy are excluded, because the rest of us will just get jealous.”

Lizzy snorted. “How is that our fault? You guys are the ones who keep putting up The Ad.”

Kat eyed me, because she and I both knew Titus’s interest was almost assuredly due to The Ad. But the unspoken rule surrounding this whole weird game we were playing was that we never openly discussed it as a group.

“I’m not saying anything is your fault,” Zoe said. “I’m just saying for those of us who haven’t been swept off our feet by Prince Charming, hearing about your ooey-gooey rich and chewy dates of ultimate romanticism is just torture. Especially since I in particular seem to attract the douchiest of douches.” A sigh. “Such as hella sexy mechanics with arms the size of my head, a chest you could break rocks on, and an ass like two cannonballs in a denim sack. And the IQ of a potato. Which is not a dig against mechanics, just that one in particular.”

“Being unable to talk about anything except cars doesn’t make him a douche,” Teddy said, ever the one to try to find the good side of someone. “It just makes him…of narrow-minded interests.”

“How about I share my best date?” Kat said. “There isn’t one. The end.”

Teddy gently backhanded Kat’s arm. “Ohh stop. You have to have had at least one date in your life that was good.”

Kat laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Fine. There was the one time I went out with this high-powered attorney type. His name was Damien, and he was one of those bizarrely intelligent types, like he graduated high school at sixteen, and had passed the bar by twenty-two. Like, as weird as it sounds, he was just one of those people who’s just literally on this earth for one specific thing, and for him it was law. He was…” A sigh, almost wistful. “You can’t make fun of me, okay? But he was dreamy. Just over six feet, with nice broad shoulders. He wore the hell out of an Armani suit, I’m telling you. Blond hair that was just perfectly not quite dirty blond, not platinum. Blue eyes, like almost Elijah Wood level blue. For our date, he had stubble. We went out on Saturday, so he hadn’t shaved since Friday morning, and it was just…fucking yummy, you know?”

Teddy sighed. “Two-day stubble is the best. I love how scratchy it is on my thighs.” A surprised blink. “I mean, face.”

Kat snorted. “You meant what you said, girl, don’t take that back. You have the innocent act down to an art, but we all know it’s an act.”

“Didn’t you tell us as much yourself, once? That day at Kat’s friend’s bar, for my birthday, wasn’t it?” Lizzy asked. “You were like, I like sex as much as anyone else. Something like that.”

Teddy bit her lip, laughing. “Fine! Whatever. I never claimed to be innocent. I’m just not a dirty slut like the rest of you.”

“I’m a proper married woman, thank you very much,” Lizzy said.

“And I’m about to be a proper married woman,” Autumn added.

“Hey, I’m clean,” I said, laughing, “There’s nothing dirty about me. I take plenty of showers.”

Zoe and Kat exchanged looks. “I guess that makes us the dirty sluts, huh?” Kat said.

“You, maybe,” Zoe said, faking an arch tone. “I’m neither dirty nor a slut.”

Kat and I had Autumn’s many braids now wrapped in a complicated crown around her head, bobby-pinned to within an inch of its life. We finally both sat down with fresh glasses of champagne while Autumn stood up and examined her reflection in the mirror.

“So, Kat,” Autumn said, tilting and turning her head this way and that. “What happened with Mister Lawyer Man?”

Kat shrugged. “Oh, it was just a great date. He took me to a rooftop restaurant in San Diego, and we went for this long walk on the beach, and drank wine on his penthouse suite balcony.”

Zoe frowned at Kat. “Sounds magical. Then what?”

“Then we screwed, and that was also magical, so I panicked and took an Uber home.”

“From San Diego?” Teddy asked. “That’s like, two and a half hours.”

“Well, I said I panicked. He was too nice. He was smooth, charming, considerate. He had his own money, a really nice condo, a really nice car. He paid for dinner like it was just how things were supposed to be, without being weird about it, you know. Like I’ve been on dates where the guy makes a big deal out of it, loudly asking for the check and making a big dramatic show of slapping down an Amex Black or some shit, like I’m supposed to go ‘ooh, big pimpin’ over here, I’m really horny now.’” She rolled her eyes. “Damien was none of that. Even sex was nice. He thought of me, he made sure I felt good, and he was smooth about making sure we were clear there were no expectations without being a dick.”

Zoe nodded. “I’d have panicked. Sounds like a setup. Like, where’s the red room with the whips and chains? Where’s the secret basement cellar where he keeps victims?”

Teddy groaned. “You guys are so cynical, ohmygod. Not every guy who is nice and considerate is going to turn out to be a complete dickbag, or much less yet, flat-out evil.”

“My hair and makeup are so great, you guys,” Autumn said. “Thank you so much. For real. I’m so glad to have you guys here with me for this.”

Lizzy pointed at her. “No, no, no, no. Do not start that bullshit, Autumn Scott. You just finished your makeup, and you don’t even have your dress on yet. No waterworks, missy. We are not crying until you’ve said ‘I do,’ you hear me, young lady?”

Autumn tilted her head back and hissed, blinking. “No crying, no crying, no crying.” She glanced at Kat. “Someday, you have to take a flyer on one of these guys, babe. Because someday, the guy will turn out to be the real deal. My proof of that is currently stuffing his fine ass into a five-thousand-dollar hand-sewn suit.”

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