She blinks back what look like tears. “I'm saying things change, people change and maybe... maybe we've changed.”
“Is that what you think?”
She shrugs. “I think I want to be a sexy nurse for Halloween.”
“Then be a sexy nurse, Lucy. I'm not going to tell you what to be or what not to be. I just...” I swallow hard. “I'll just wear the doctor costume.”
“Oh, okay,” she says. Even though she's won the fight, it doesn't look like she's very happy about it. I grab a stethoscope as we walk toward the checkout. As the cashier is ringing up the total, my phone rings.
“It's my commanding officer,” I say, surprised when I see the caller.
“You should take it,” she says. I nod, knowing she's right.
I hand her my wallet. “Pay, I’ve got a bunch of cash,” I tell her.
“You sure?” she asks.
I nod, walking outside to take the call. I turn, looking over my shoulder before I exit, and I see her pull out the cash along with a folded piece of paper.
I swallow, hard. Knowing there's nothing I can do right now to stop her from opening the paper and seeing what it is.
“Petty Officer E4?” my officer says. “You there, son?”
I nod. “I'm here.”
“Good,” he says, “I talked to the detailer. He’ll give you those orders if you reenlist.”
Chapter Four
Lucy
Noah’s acting all cagey as I exit Costume Corner. I hand him the bag with his stupid doctor costume and his wallet. I don't mention the piece of paper I took, the paper titled, Perfect Girl.
I would have read the entire thing, but it’s written in his tiny scrawl and the cashier was dealing with a queue of last-minute shoppers. I didn't want to hold her up. Besides, I have a feeling that when I read this list, I'm going to want to do it in the privacy of my own bedroom, because I'm pretty sure that tears are going to ensue.
It's going to be the confirmation of everything I've ever thought and feared, that I'm not the girl of Noah's dreams, not even a little bit, not even at all.
So, I'm dealing with these conflicting emotions as I stand on the sidewalk with the most handsome guy in the world. He's smiling as he tucks his phone back in his pocket. Only problem is Betty is standing with him. She's clearly just gotten off work, the apron from the coffee shop tucked under her arm.
"So what costume did you guys decide on this year?" she asks. I've known Betty for years. She's a little bit of a gossip, a little bit snarky, and a lot bit beautiful.
This town is just way too small. I swallow, sometimes wishing I could move to some faraway city and start over, but that’s not going to happen. I love my Aunt Marlene, and I'm not leaving her. She’s all I have for family.
And besides, this is where I grew up. It's where I hold all of the memories I have of my parents… and all the memories I have of Noah and me. In my mind's eye, I picture myself settling down in a house on Main Street, most definitely being married, possibly with a picket fence and 2.5 children, and I would decorate the hell out of our porch every Halloween. I would pass out full-size candy bars and wear a costume, my husband next to me in a matching costume. Our dog would be in a costume too.
I swallow, not wanting to think about that fantasy when the reality is Noah is standing here talking to Betty, a little too intimately. It’s hard not to remember junior year of high school when they literally were in on something, like each other. I'm not the jealous type. Honestly, if Noah needs to sow his wild oats, he can have at it. It's not for me to judge. I’m not sexually repressed or anti-sex, I'm anti- having sex with anyone who isn't Noah.
I know. I'm such a cliché.
"So let me see," Betty presses. "What are you wearing this year?"
Noah doesn't say anything, but I proudly pull out my sexy nurse costume. "I even got thigh-high stockings," I say.
Betty takes a bite of the pumpkin muffin in her hand. "Wait, you're going as a sexy nurse?"
"Yeah. Why?" I say blankly, feigning absolute nonchalance.
Internally, I’m both cringing and wondering how the hell I'm going to get the nerve to put on the stockings and this barely booty-covering dress and walk into Jake's party as if it's no big thing. Truth is, it's a huge thing. I'm Chewbacca, remember?
"Well, you're going to look awesome," she says. "I mean, your rack is fantastic and you’re always hiding it.”
I look down at my chest. "Thanks, Betty." I shove the stockings and costume back in the bag and turn to Noah, "Well, on that note, I am off."
"I thought we could get some dinner."
I shake my head. "No, not today. I'm-"
Noah clenches his jaw. "Let me guess, meeting Sammy Hammy? You know, I’m only in town for a few more days. Is this something that can wait until I’m gone?”
Betty twists her lips. "You're dating Charlie Ham?"
"No," I say, "I'm not. He's my study buddy."
Betty uses air quotes. "Right, study buddy. That's so cute."
"Is it?" I say, smirking, “In that case, I better be off to be cute." I roll my eyes in frustration and turn to leave. Noah must register this because a few steps down the sidewalk, he catches me and grabs my hand.
"Wait up," he says. "What's your deal?"
"What do you mean, what's my deal? I'm just a little… depressed."
"Depressed? A few minutes ago you were in Costume Corner playing the part of a sexy vixen I've never met before."
I swallow. "Yeah. Well, it seems like you're in the middle of a conversation with Betty. I don't want to hold you up."
"Betty?" His eyes crinkle in confusion. "What does Betty have to do with us?"
"I don't know." I sigh. "Look, I don't know anything. I'm just tired and frustrated. And I feel like our costume is really weird."
Noah laughs. “It is. I'm going as a doctor."
"Exactly. It doesn't even make any sense. This doesn't make any sense,” I say, gesturing to the pair of us.
"We don't make any sense?"
I pull back, irritated. "What do you mean, we don't make any sense?"
"I don't know. You're the one who said it, who started this.”
"Started what?" I realize at this moment that I am taking my best friend on an emotional roller coaster that he never asked for, but I don’t care. Truth is, I’m tired. Tired of hiding my truth. My emotions. My real desire. I’m tired of the man I love not seeing me when he so easily can see everyone else. I feel like a ghost.
"Look, Lucy,” he says, shaking his head. “I'm sorry for anything I did or didn't do. I'm sorry. I mean it. I didn't mean to offend you. You looked incredible in that costume. You know you did. I got all worked up because you looked too good."
"Oh, so now that's a problem? Looking too good? Would you say that to Natalia or Betty?" I know how bratty I sound, and I wish I could pull back my words and start again. But if given the chance, would I be brave enough to be honest with Noah?