My Lena.
What I’m not expecting is the look of pure sadness on her face or the tears in her eyes.
I move to her, squat down, and take her hands in my own. “Why are you crying? This is the best news ever!”
Lena sniffles. “I know, it is. You’re going to do amazing. I have no doubt about it.” Even though her words are happy, there’s an underlying tone of despair I don’t understand.
“Then why do you look like I just kicked your puppy?” I ask, a small smile playing on my lips.
She takes a deep breath, her eyes full of a sorrow I can’t even describe. She sits up tall, straightens her back, and says what I never expected to come from her lips. “I’m not going with you, Mack.”
Standing up, I reel backward, as if she struck me. “What?” Dread fills my entire body, my heart racing faster than the moment I see a checkered flag through my windshield.
She follows suit, her hands reaching out for my arm. “Please, listen to me, Mack. I mean really listen to me. You’re an amazing driver. I knew this day would come, and I’m so happy it finally has. No one works harder on or off the track than you do.” She takes a deep breath, her eyes cast downward. “But I don’t want that life. Not anymore. I traveled from the time I was four to seventeen. I hated it,” she whispers, the tears now falling freely from her eyes.
I know she hated it. After her mom passed away suddenly from a brain aneurism before she was even in kindergarten, her life had been on the road. She moved from place to place, track to track. She was homeschooled for much of her early education before she was finally enrolled in a middle school in Virginia. From there, she went with whatever team hired her father. It wasn’t until her junior year before Jim Stanley finally realized how miserable his daughter was and planted roots. He bought this old, closed-down track and brought it back to life. By doing so, his only child did the same, thriving in school and extracurriculars.
Now, I’m asking her to do the same. To uproot her life and move with me.
Only, she’s telling me no.
“I can’t go, Mack. My life is here.”
“But…” I start to argue, but my mind is reeling. I have no idea what to say. “We don’t have to stay there permanently. We can come back here in the offseason and between races.”
Her smile is so fucking sad. “You need to stay where your team is, Mack. You and I both know you’ll be working with them nonstop. At least for a while, until you get the hang of open wheels.”
It’s suddenly hard to breathe. I run my hands through my hair and just stare at the only girl I’ve ever loved. The one ready to walk away.
“I won’t go,” I find myself saying, and I know it’s true. I won’t go without her.
She’s already adamantly shaking her head. “No, Mack. You have to go! This is your chance!”
“But,” I swallow over the massive lump in my throat, “I don’t want to go without you.” My words are small and dripping with grief.
“I know,” she says, coming over and wrapping her arms around my chest. She places her cheek against the place where my heart pounds, her tears quickly soaking into my shirt. “But you have to go. I love you too much to let you stay.”
“I love you too much to leave you behind,” I tell her.
She gives me a sad smile. “Maybe this is how our story was always supposed to end. You’re destined for bigger and better things, Mack. Something greater than the dirt tracks of Brenton Speedway. Please don’t stay here for me. Go. Chase your dream. This is your moment.”
I close my eyes and feel my heart shatter in my chest. The pain is almost unbearable, crippling even. All I can do is hold on to her. My Lena. The sassy young girl who stole my heart. The beautiful woman who has owned it ever since.
The unforgettable soul who’s destroying it.
I kiss her hard. My hands cup her cheeks, both tenderly and possessively, as my tongue tastes her one last time. I feel the wetness against my cheeks and revel in it, memorizing the way our pain feels against my skin. My own tears mix with hers.
Pain lodges in my chest as I pull back. I need to step back, but I’m terrified for this moment to end. For us to end.
I bring her hands to my mouth and kiss her knuckles, every single one. I hold her hands against my chest and just feel the hurt seeping from her pores and into mine. I know if I don’t go now, I’ll never leave. Though, it’s a solid idea, I know she’s right. This is what I’ve always worked for, why I bust my ass at the track to be the best fucking driver I can be.
This is my time.
Even though ours is over.
I pull away, letting go of her hand and severing our last connection. She’s crying harder now, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to go to her, not to fix the damage I’ve done. But I can’t. It’s not fair to me.
Or her.
I move to the door, turning my back on the love of my life. Before I push through it completely, she calls my name. I stop, but I don’t turn around. I can’t bear to see the pain on her face anymore. It hurts too fucking much.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as she moves to the wall, to her Wall of Fame, as she calls it. She takes the photograph from its prominent spot in the center and walks toward me. “Take this, and always remember the boy with big dreams and determination.” I gaze down at the photograph in my hand. The one of me standing at the fence line, watching my first dirt race at sixteen years old. I still don’t know when she took the picture, considering every time I watched her, she was in the concession stand. But she did. She snapped this image, this moment in time where I realized what my destiny was.
To be a race car driver.
“Also, don’t forget where you came from, Mack Cruz. Don’t forget the dirt and the grit, the hard work, and the Saturday night races. They may be in your rearview mirror, but they’re part of who you are.” She taps the glass. “He’s part of who you’ve become.”
I clench the frame in my hand and push open the door, needing to run away from the pain and the hurt, from the tears on her face, but before I can go, she needs to know one thing. “I love you, Lena. I’ll always love you.”
Before she can answer, I’m through the doorway and headed for my bike. The ol’ Harley is beside the main shop, ready to take me home. To the trailer I’ve somehow managed to not lose after my old man died.
No, not home.
To my next stop.
I have no home. I may be headed to Los Angeles, but home will always be at Brenton Speedway.
Where I left Lena.
Chapter One
Lena
Present Day
I need your help.
That’s the text message I received late last night. It’s the reason I’m sitting in an airport terminal, waiting for my flight to take me to Los Angeles. To Mack. The one man I’ve tried to push from my head and my heart for the last three years.
Unsuccessfully, mind you.
After receiving the text message, my phone rang. My hand shook as I debated on whether or not to answer, but since he probably saw the read receipt on the message, I figured he’d probably just keep calling. And truth be told, I was curious. It has been three long years since I’ve spoken to Mack, and he suddenly needs my help. It was that tingling need to hear his voice over the phone line that had me swiping my finger and answering the call.