“It’s cold, I’m sure. I’ll bring you a fresh cup.”
The visiting room at the nursing home was as cozy as Mina could ever hope, but it still wasn’t Grandma Aileen’s old house. They’d had to sell it to make ends meet when she went into the home, and Mina missed the house almost as much as she missed the old Grandma Aileen. The one who’d been able to bake with her, and laugh with her—almost a co-conspirator, despite the difference in their ages. Despite all the hurt that life had dealt them. All of that had fallen away at the dinner table with Aileen.
Mina went across to the coffee station with her head held high. She was not going to let any of this show. Not to Aileen, and not to the staff at the home. They were all doing the best they could.
Still, she wasn’t surprised when a light hand came down on her shoulder. “How are you doing, honey?”
Bridget was one of the best nurses at Sunnyside. Most days, when Mina came in to visit Grandma Aileen, she found Bridget sitting with the residents and laughing with them as heartily as anyone ever had. She somehow managed to fit in these conversations along with doing the work of three people and without ever seeming to get tired. Her face held real concern for Mina. And she’d tried so hard to hide her troubles.
“I’m worried about her,” admitted Mina while she poured hot water over a new tea bag and stirred in two spoonfuls of sugar. “It’s like she’s not really there anymore. I didn’t expect it to happen so fast.”
Bridget nodded. “She’s been having some good days where she’s really happy and cheerful, especially in the mornings. We’re getting on toward evening now. That affects things.”
Mina understood, but it didn’t undo the knot at the center of her chest. “I’ll come earlier next time. I was going to come on Thursday, but I had appointments all day.” She added a bit of milk to bring the tea to the right temperature and looked Bridget in the eye. “You can call me any time. I hope you know that. I don’t want you to think I’d just…hand her off.”
“I would never.” Bridget patted her arm. “But you’ve got to live your life. You can’t spend every spare moment here with her. I promise you, I’m good company.” She gave Mina a broad smile. “You’re doing great, honey. Keep it up.”
Mina took the tea back to the table. Aileen blinked up at her, cocking her head to the side. “Thank you, dear,” she said. She looked down into the teacup and her face lit up with delight. “How’d you know how I take my tea?”
“How did I know?” Mina slid into the seat beside her. “Oh, Grandma, I’ve always known how you take your tea.”
This earned her another blank look from Aileen, along with a husky laugh. “Grandma. I suppose you can call me that, but you know, dear, I don’t have any grandchildren.”
Mina’s heart shattered in her chest all over again. She kept the smile on her face even as the pain arced up into her throat and tears burned the corners of her eyes. Aileen sipped her tea. “Mmm. It’s good. Just how I like it.”
She resolved to just enjoy the conversation. That was all she could do. Even if Aileen recognized her less and less, she could still be there for her. There wasn’t anybody else. The weight of this sat heavily across Mina’s shoulders, bearing down on her chest. When she had her own baby, she would have a family again. An anchor in the world. Maybe, if Grandma Aileen felt well enough, she could bring the baby to meet her. Surely some part of her would recognize her great-grandchild.
Mina talked to her grandmother about the high school choir, which had come to sing to the residents that morning, until Bridget came around to serve dinner. Ham and scalloped potatoes. One of Aileen’s favorites. Bridget served Mina her own plate so she could keep her grandmother company while she ate. Mina unfolded the paper napkin into her lap and reached to help Aileen with her own.
“Oh, scalloped potatoes.” Aileen closed her eyes and tipped her head back, a smile on her face. “I love scalloped potatoes. Remember when you graduated college, and we were up all night making them for the party?”
Mina’s entire soul lit up with gratefulness, but she tried not to make a big deal of the revelation. “Of course I do! How could I forget?” She reached for Aileen’s hand and took it in hers. “We snuck bites all night and swore we’d never eat it again after that. But here we are.”
“Here we are.” Aileen’s blue eyes, the same shade as Mina’s, twinkled with the memory. Remember, remember, thought Mina. But it wasn’t a mantra for Aileen. It was for herself. She had to remember these moments for when things got harder. And they always got harder. But she could handle it. “How’ve you been, my dear?”
“I’ve been so good.” The words tumbled from Mina’s mouth before she could stop them. Seize the moment. That was all she could do. “I have some amazing news. I’m going to be a mother.”
Aileen’s eyes went wide. “You’re expecting?”
“Not yet.” The clock ticked loud in Mina’s ears. These moments were fleeting. So fleeting. She never knew when Grandma Aileen might stop knowing who she was. “But next week, hopefully. I’m working with some doctors to make it happen.” No point in going into too much detail. What mattered was that she’d shared the news. The weight lifted from her shoulders. “I’m very excited.”
“I’m thrilled for you.” Aileen squeezed her hand. “You get exactly what you want out of life, my dear. Get every bit of it.”
Mina lingered too long, soaking up every available lucid moment with Aileen. The short day turned into darkness while they chatted. By the time she got out to her car, the night air had filled with whirling snow. “Can’t you wait a bit longer?” she pleaded with the sky. “I just need to get home.” It was thirty minutes to her place in downtown Benton Ridge, most of it along dark highway. Brights on, seatbelt on—it was time to go.
Her mind drifted to the appointment as soon as she pulled onto the highway. Two days. In two days, she’d be back in the city, hopefully getting pregnant. Mina laughed out loud. It wasn’t the way she would have chosen to get pregnant, but if medical science could help her, she’d sing its praises for the rest of her life. In the end, what did it matter if it happened the old-fashioned way or not? It didn’t matter, not at all.
Plus, there was the sperm donor.
Once she’d booked the appointment and put down the deposit, they’d given her access to a more detailed Q&A that the donor had filled out. It was much more than the website had offered. Favorite books. Favorite movies. Favorite quotes, even. The email had come in as she walked into Sunnyside to see Aileen. In a matter of minutes, she’d be at home, going through all that information. Her pulse pounded in her veins. Could she really wait that long? The snow came down harder.
With a little whoop, Mina pulled off the road and into a turnabout. Why not give herself the gift of early knowledge? Why make herself wait to meet the father of her child? She just couldn’t focus until she saw that questionnaire.
Mina put the car in park and took out her phone. The profile was only a click away. She’d had it saved, ready to pull up as soon as she had a spare second. This was it. This was it.