“Great. Just freaking great,” I say, stomping my foot like a child. “Stinking rude ass people. First, the valet knocks me on my ass, not to mention the assholes giving me the finger for the last hour. News flash, I’m not the awful driver here! Then, someone rescues me and doesn’t even bother waiting so I can thank him,” I mumble. Ugh… inner monologue, Julia! Inner monologue is supposed to remain INNER.
Taking out my AirPods, I stick them in my ears even though they died on the drive down here. At least I’ll be able to get through the lobby without people thinking I’m talking to myself. So what if I am? They don’t need to know that.
“Oh my God, I cannot believe I have to be here and present in front of a bunch of entitled assholes. They probably won’t even be able to comprehend what it is I’m showing them. The last time I did this, I spent the final two hours of the presentation explaining what my job even was. Forget about the software they had no chance of understanding.”
“Hi, checking in. Julia McDowell,” I say, handing over my license and credit card. Holding onto my AirPods to let the girl know I’m on the phone—or pretending to be anyway. My rambling only gets worse as more and more people close in around me waiting to check-in.
“This was a colossal mistake. I hate crowds, why the hell couldn’t I have caught whooping cough or something? Whooping cough is still a thing, right?”
The poor girl behind the counter shrugs like one would when encountering a crazy person. “Ah, not sure, miss. You’re on floor 32, your room number is written right here along with the Wi-Fi password. If you need anything at all, just call the front desk and someone will be happy to assist you.”
“Thanks,” I mumble and follow her directions to the elevator. “Please don’t let some pregnant lady get on the elevator with me, or a really, really old person. Maybe just let me have the elevator to myself? That would be best. Ugh, I already want to go home. Who even likes going to these things, anyway? Not me, I can tell you that. I’d much rather be home in my bed. Oh, and this one-night stand business is just out of control. My poor mother must be having a heart attack. Fucking GG and her touchin’ with the ladies. Jesus.”
I feel someone come up behind me at some point in my latest rant, so I bite my lip until I taste copper and look at my phone, willing my craziness to stop for just five minutes so I can get to my room without further incident. Lanes! Quickly pressing the FaceTime button, I call Lanie back.
“Hey, girl. How’s it going?” she asks. For such an awful upbringing, Lanie sure as shit has a sunny disposition most of the time.
“This is the worst,” I tell her. Most girls would get whiny, I get bitchy. “Why do they insist I present at these things? Every single person in my company has witnessed one of my epic meltdowns. Why do they keep doing this to me?” I demand.
“Jules, you know why. You are the smartest person I know. If they say they need you, it’s because no one else understands what the heck is going on,” she laughs.
Hearing the ding of the elevator, I stick my phone into my bra-strap and attempt to shuffle my bags onto the elevator.
“Ooh, I love the lacy pink bra, lady! This one is sexy as heck! You’ll totally be able to have a one-night stand wearing this stuff,” Lanie says, and I pull the phone back out of its confinement.
I can’t help but laugh. “I can’t do this… I can’t have a one-night stand. I have been muttering nonstop to myself, pretending to be on the phone since I walked into this hotel. Now I have to figure out how to match these outfits for a dinner I don’t even want to go to. I will be a walking boner-killer.”
“Ah,” Lanie starts and stops multiple times, so I hold the screen right up to my nose to scrutinize her. She never fumbles with her words.
“What is going on?” I demand. “Why are you stuttering? Do I have boogers on my face? It wouldn’t surprise me, I got so many middle fingers waved at me for no reason, I even snorted laughing at two of them. Don’t do that by the way, they get even more pissed, especially when you’re in stop and go traffic.”
“Ah, hun. You do realize you’re not alone in that elevator, right?” Lanie whisper-yells and points to my right.
“Oh, fuck.”
“And he looks really hot, well, the quarter-inch I can see on my phone,” she whisper-yells again.
My cellmate, who has obviously been watching on in horror, lets out a bark of laughter that echoes through the small enclosed space, causing me to jump and nearly fall again. A steady hand wraps around my bicep, righting me, and I know for a fact that he is the one who kept me from falling earlier.
“Fuck me,” I say to the ceiling with my eyes closed.
*Ding*
The elevator doors gracefully slide open, and I shove, kick, and push my crap through them. I refuse to even look at the elevator man. I quickly mumble a thank you and push forward into the hallway as quickly as my short little legs will allow. This causes him to laugh again, and I shiver at the velvety rich sound.
“You’re welcome. And, for what it’s worth, this is the last place I want to be, too,” he says as the doors close behind me.
“Holy hell. Lanie, are you still there?” I yell into my bra-strap, where she is face planted once again via my phone.
“Geez, Jules. That guy was so stinking hot, I wish I could have seen his entire face and not just a portion of his profile. Please tell me he was as hot as he sounded?” Lanie pleads.
“What? You think I looked at him after that? Are you out of your goddamned mind? Lanie, he heard my entire spiel, probably from the time I checked in. Who knows what the hell I said? I was seriously on a roll. Like graduation day, pre-speech roll. I can’t be held accountable for the shit that just flew out of my mouth. Hell to the no did I look at him.”
Silence.
I push the key into the door of my hotel room and shove everything, myself included, inside. Immediately, I flop down on the bed and grab my phone. Lanie is sitting there staring at me blankly.
“What?” I ask tentatively, not at all liking where I think this conversation is going.
“You’re scared to have a one-night stand, aren’t you?” Lanie asks with a giant smile on her face. “This isn’t just about the conference or having to speak, you’re nervous about having to entertain a gentleman friend all on your own.”
“Entertain a gentleman friend? Lanie, who are you, GG?” I spit, knowing there may be some truth to her statement. Sighing, I eventually admit defeat. “Okay, maybe a little. I’ve always had you as my wing-man, and let's face it, when you’re around, there is no shortage of male attention.”
“Julia McDowell,” Lanie says in her best teacher's voice. “You are a beautiful, smart, amazing woman, and you will go down there and own that conference. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks about you, alright? Honestly, Jules. You are the most amazing person I know, and if someone doesn’t see that, they don’t deserve you, anyway.”
“Thanks, Lanes.”
“I know we were putting a lot of pressure onto this one-night stand business, but it was mostly just for fun. Just go down there with no expectations and have a drink or two. Get yourself ready for your first presentation tomorrow. You’ll do great, I know it,” Lanie soothes.