I shrug. “Can I let you know about that too?”
Colton nods. “Do you want to stay with me tonight?”
I look up and meet his deep, loving eyes. “Is that alright?”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I fall back into his chest and smile against his warm skin. “Uh, Jade?” he questions. “I know you’re sort of going through something here, but did you want to put that fire out? You’re kinda burning the ceiling and my bedroom is above this.”
Oh, fuck.
I get up off the shower floor and Colton raises behind me, reaching for a massive white towel that he wraps around me. I turn off the shower as he peels off his wet clothes and as I dry myself off, he deals with the fire in his bathtub, knowing damn well that he’s going to have to have someone come in to replace the ceiling.
“Sorry,” I murmur, looking up at the damage I’ve caused. “I was trying to get rid of the evidence.”
“It’s alright, Jade. It’s nothing I can’t fix.”
I find a silk robe and pull it on, dropping the towel in the hamper. “How did you know I was down there?” I question as Colton grabs a towel of his own and quickly dries off before wrapping the towel around his narrow waist.
“My mom,” he admits with a cringe. “She came to tell me about your little … run in. She mentioned that she’d sent you down to Dad’s personal wine cellar and the second the words came out of her mouth, I ran.”
I cringe. “I forgot about that bitch,” I say, not in the mood to mask my opinion of his mother, though, from his carefree response, I’d dare say his opinion isn’t too far from mine.
“I don’t blame you,” he says. “But don’t worry, knowing her, she’ll be gone in no time.”
I nod and let out a breath, trying my hardest to file all this bullshit away in my brain and not allow it to continue eating me up. “So, Spencer?” I ask as Colton reaches for the door handle and opens it for me. “He knew about this the whole time?”
Colton nods and I stop in the middle of the open doorway to look up at him. “That phone call you made after Jude … in your room. You called Spencer just before I passed out.”
He nods again. “He helped me move him.”
“And Charlie?” I question. “I’m assuming he doesn’t know seeing as though he keeps trying to find him?”
“Yeah, Charlie … he’s too good. He has a kind heart. This shit would destroy him.”
“And when he finds out?”
Colton sighs and slips his arm around my waist before leading me out of the bathroom and up the hall, both of us desperately ignoring the drops of blood that lead the whole way back to the wine cellar. “I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
Chapter 3
The early morning sun beams through Colton’s bedroom window as I stare up at the ceiling, just as I’ve been doing for the past twelve hours. Neither of us has slept as the heaviness of yesterday afternoon weighs on our hearts, bodies, and minds.
The emotions, the fear, the unknown—they’re all so real and I have no idea how to handle it. One part of me wants to run through this stupid mansion screaming at the top of my lungs, tearing my hair out, and searching for the goodness that I lost while the other part wants to go down to the wine cellar dungeon and finish the job. At least that way I know it would be over, but I’ll be condemning myself to a lifetime of guilt that’s bound to have me turning myself in and spending my days behind bars.
I can’t do that to myself. I can’t allow Jude to win. It seems that no matter what decision I make, he’s always going to get the better of me. Just like he did the night he raped me, just like every time I’m alone in a dark room and the fear cripples me when I see his face, and just like he did yesterday. No matter what I do, Jude is always going to win.
How am I supposed to get through every day knowing that my rapist is in the same house, breathing the same air and getting to live? I should have ended him, made it easier for myself to breathe. Fuck the guilt. I would have found a way to live with it. I should have slit his … fuck.
Who am I?
I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I guess Nic and the boys will be proud. I’ve finally come to the dark side. There’s no need for them to keep their dirty little secrets anymore because now there’s no goodness left to protect. I’m just like them.
Colton held me all night just as I knew he would but I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve the happily ever after that he wants to offer me. How could he even want that after what he saw? I don’t doubt that he’s been processing it all night and soon enough, he’s going to start pulling away. It only makes sense.
What kind of man wants to be with a woman who’s going to murder him when he fucks up? Burnt the dinner? Get an ass-whooping. Forget to do the dishes? How about a puncture wound? Look at another woman? Would you like a side of slit throat with your pasta?
Fuck this. I couldn’t really be capable of being such a monster, could I? If Colton hadn’t walked in … yeah, I would have done it and I would have paid for it for the rest of my life. Colton may have saved me from myself yesterday, but exactly how much did I lose in the process?
Colton’s arm pulls tighter around me as he draws me closer into his warm side. “Did you get any sleep?”
I shake my head. “No, I just … I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
“Which part? What actually happened or if he made it through the night?”
I let out a heavy sigh and nuzzle my face into his chest. “Does it make me a bad person that over the past twelve hours, I haven’t even considered the possibility that he might not make it through the night?” I groan as the guilt triples in size. “I’m such a selfish bitch. I nearly killed a guy and all I can think about is how it affects me. Fuccck.”
“Jade, come on. We talked about this. You have nothing to worry about. You’re beautiful inside and out. He deserved what was coming for him and I’m not about to let you start hating on yourself because of it. If you think you’re bad then the shit I’ve done to him over the past three weeks … shit, babe. You don’t even want to know just how dark it can get. To me, you’re still fucking perfect and there’s nothing you could do to Jude Fucking Carter that’s going to change that.”
I lift my face from his chest and meet his eyes. “You mean that?”
“So fucking much.”
I scramble up onto him, straddling his waist and meeting his warm, inviting gaze. "So, you're telling me that you're even more fucked-up than I am?"
A grin tears across his face and he pulls me down to him. "You've got no fucking idea," he murmurs just moments before his lips crush against mine.
He kisses me deeply, giving me exactly what I need to get my mind off Jude even if it's only for a second. His large hand slides down my waist until he's firmly gripping my ass, squeezing it tight and sending a thrilling warmth through my body.
I pull away, not exactly in the mood to fuck around. “I should probably go and get ready for school.”