Prologue
EIGHTEEN YEARS EARLIER
Nat braced herself, inched the front door open and slipped inside. Her father was going to kill her. She’d promised to be home by five for her mother’s birthday celebration and it was now just after seven. Hopefully they wouldn’t have done the cake yet and she could redeem herself with a few nice words. Relief settled over her as she saw that the hallway was clear, allowing her another minute or two before she felt the full force of her parents’ disappointment. She sighed as she shook off her winter coat and opened the hall closet. If only they could remember being fifteen and in love for the first time. In love? Did she love Callum? She smiled at the memory of being wrapped in his strong arms, the tingle of his lips on hers.
Footsteps clattered in the hallway, causing Nat to freeze. She was just able to make out her older sister’s lean frame through the join in the closet door. She let out a breath and took a hanger from the rack. ‘Thank God, it’s you. Dad’s going to go mental that I’m so late. Can you back me up when I tell him Perry asked me to do a few extra hours at the newsagent?’
Nat finished hanging her coat, closed the closet door and grinned as she turned to Hannah. ‘Sorry to ask you to lie again but he’s way too overprotective when it comes to me and boys.’ Her grin slipped as she took in her sister’s pale, tear-stained face. She hurried over to her. ‘Han, what’s happened? You look awful.’
The vein in Hannah’s forehead twitched, a sign that usually meant she was upset or angry. Nat was sure she hadn’t done anything to cause this kind of reaction in her sister. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time they’d even argued; they were usually extremely close. Only that morning they’d been talking about their annual Christmas in July party that was just over a week away, and Hannah had laughed at how it surprised her friend Abbie that she and Nat threw a joint party. ‘Abbie can’t stand her sister and has never understood how you and I choose to spend time together,’ she’d said. ‘It makes me realise how lucky we are.’ Looking at Hannah’s face now, Nat wasn’t sure her sister was feeling the same as she had been earlier in the day.
‘Where have you been? You’ve been missing for hours. You can’t just go off anywhere you like without keeping in touch.’ Hannah’s voice shook as she forced the words out.
But it wasn’t anger that tinged her words, it was something else. Something Nat couldn’t put her finger on. A sudden and overwhelming sense of dread settled over her. Her throat constricted with panic as confused thoughts swirled in her mind. She’d lied to her parents but she’d told Hannah of her real plans. Hannah had been happy to cover for her, as she always was. It was one of the things she loved most about her sister – she could always count on her. So why was she making Nat feel like she’d done something wrong? Maybe she just needed a gentle reminder, then everything would be okay. ‘Han, I told you I’d be with Callum. Did you forget?’
‘I called Callum’s mum but she had no idea where you were. You’re not to disappear like that again.’
Nat’s stomach churned. Not only was Hannah upset with her, she’d called Callum’s mum? Her parents would freak if they knew she’d been with him. ‘Do Mum and Dad know where I was?’
Hannah shook her head before closing her eyes momentarily. She looked completely distraught.
Nat continued to stare at her sister. She should feel relieved that Hannah had covered for her, but she felt anything but relief. Pain was etched deep in Hannah’s face. ‘Han, what’s wrong? What’s happened?’
Hannah wrapped her arms around her body, her bottom lip trembling as she opened her eyes.
‘You’re scaring me. Where are Mum and Dad?’
Phyllie appeared in the hallway behind Hannah, wringing her hands together, her lips forced into a tight smile. ‘Come and sit down, love. We’ve some bad news, I’m afraid.’
Hannah stifled a sob as the words left their grandmother’s lips, causing the skin to prickle on Nat’s arms. She reluctantly followed Phyllie into the living room and sat on the couch next to her.
Phyllie took a deep breath, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve before meeting Nat’s gaze. ‘There’s been an accident, love.’
Nausea swirled with the nerves in the pit of Nat’s stomach. Hannah was now sobbing quietly, her face buried in her hands.
‘It’s your mum. She had an accident on the horse. A bad one, I’m afraid.’
‘How bad? She’ll be okay, won’t she?’
Phyllie shook her head. ‘We had to say our goodbyes. The doctors did their best, but her injuries were too extensive.’
Nat stared at her grandmother and then back at Hannah, numbness settling over her.
Hannah spoke, her face softer, her words gentle. ‘She was so upset she couldn’t speak to you. She wanted me to give you this.’ Hannah moved on to the couch and took Nat in her arms and hugged her. ‘She wanted you to know how much she loved you and said she hopes you’ll forgive her that she couldn’t hold on long enough to say goodbye.’
A single tear rolled down Nat’s cheek as she hung limply in Hannah’s embrace. Her mother. Her gorgeous, adventurous mother. Gone. It was unthinkable. She closed her eyes, memories of the morning rushing back to her. Of lying about her plans; of promising to be back in time for the small party her father had organised. Of seeing the flicker of disappointment in her mother’s eyes when she shook her head at the invitation to join her for the birthday horse ride. She couldn’t wait to try out the new saddle Hannah had insisted they give her.
She pulled out of Hannah’s arms and put her head in her hands, tears flowing down both cheeks. A sob caught in her throat. Her lies and selfish behaviour had cost her the chance to be with her mum, to tell her she loved her; to say goodbye. It wasn’t a matter of forgiving her mother, it was whether she could ever forgive herself.
Chapter One
PRESENT DAY
A celebratory smile spread across Hannah’s face as she dropped her briefcase and bag on the kitchen counter before trotting up the stairs to the second floor. She needed to get ready for the family dinner before picking Amy up from after-school care on the way to her father’s house. Warmth infused her body as she entered the bedroom. She’d describe a normal workday at No Risk as predictable, but today had been anything but. News of an unexpected promotion had left her mind whirling. How had she missed the whispers and gossip that she’d now learned had been going on for weeks?
She stopped, took her phone from her pocket and put it on the mahogany dresser, before picking up a silver photo frame. Her mother, on the morning of her fortieth birthday, looked back at her. Only four years older than Hannah was now. It was the last photo taken of her. She was smiling at the camera, tawny-brown ringlets framing her face. Cherry lipstick, her trademark, glowing from her heart-shaped lips. She wore a white peasant shirt, with a silver necklace around her neck, which she didn’t think she’d ever seen her mother without. Hannah’s hand instinctively reached for her neck and she fingered the heart pendant; a wedding present from her father to her mother. Having inherited it, she rarely took it off.
Her mother’s eyes sparkled with delight as she smiled into the camera. As she’d grown older it had comforted Hannah to know that on the day she’d died her mother had looked so happy. Her throat thickened as she replaced the photo, remembering how their own lives had been upended on the day of the accident. It was always a strange day, celebrating her mother’s birthday, but marking the anniversary of her death at the same time.