Home > Let Me Love You More

Let Me Love You More
Author: Alandra Knight

Chapter 1






I believe that everyone has this ideal image of what their lives should be. The life I have always envisioned for myself is the typical one a girl who grew up in a small town dreams about. The one with the nice house, neighbors that are close, but not too close, a white picket fence surrounding it, and flowers sitting on the windowsill that the kids picked from a field of wildflowers behind our house. One boy, one girl, a cute golden retriever and a loving doting husband who has tea parties with his little girl and throws a football around in the yard with his son. That handsome husband who wants to grow old alongside me. Until— Ugh! Mia, stop it, I scold myself. I shake those thoughts from my head. These shoes don’t exactly fit me anymore, now do they? Here I am in my mid-thirties, starting over, after twelve years of marriage. He didn’t want his partner to grow old, so he traded me in for a younger model. In hindsight, the warning signs were obvious. Chris, my ex-husband, had never been happy here in Morgan Springs, Colorado. He couldn’t hold down a job for longer than four years at a time. Always thinking there was something bigger and better waiting for him. Every winter it was the same fight, “It’s too cold here,” or “Why do I live where the air hurts my face?” It seemed like he found an issue with everything. He had declared that he was going to take a winter job in Florida this year, where his family lives. I couldn’t stop him because it was a great opportunity. In retrospect, I think I already knew it was the beginning of the end for us, and there wasn’t anything left worth fighting for. Since our daughter, Arianna, was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease that almost claimed her life, nothing had been the same between us. We were both simply just dancing around the subject of divorce because neither one of us wanted to be labeled as the bad guy.

Maybe I was completely blinded by love. My dad, Drew, thinks that I was just determined to be a woman of my word and honor my vows regardless of the sacrifices I had to make. For better or for worse, right? Then, not quite two months after Chris had left Colorado to take that job in Florida, I had the reality check of all reality checks. Just like that, I was being served divorce papers. I try to shake myself out of getting lost in my own head from the flood of bad memories, but I can’t help it. That day replays over and over in my mind like it just happened.

“Mom, can I call Dad? I want to tell him about the science experiment we did in class today!” Garett asks excitedly.

“Yeah, of course.” I could never tell Garett no to calling his dad. I pick up my phone and dial his number.

“What do you want? I’m busy,” Chris sneers into the phone upon answering it.

“Hey, Dad, guess what we did at school today in science class?” Garett exclaims.

“Oh, it’s you. Look, I don’t really care about some stupid science experiment you did. I am appalled that your mother would allow you to call me with such nonsense,” Chris scolds. I snap the phone away from Garrett which he had set to speakerphone and I am livid! I mute the phone and look at my son, who’s on the verge of tears.

“Garrett, honey, can you help me out by checking on your sister please?” I ask him softly.

“Sure, Mom.” Garrett wanders off to find his sister. When he is out of ear shot, I unmute the phone.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” I seethe into the phone.

“Ugh! Always the dramatic one, aren’t we, Mia?” Chris deadpans.

“No, the way you treat our son is repulsive and I get so pissed off that he still thinks the world of you!”

“You coddle him, Mia. He needs discipline!”

“He needs a father that is present in his life and gives a shit!” I exclaim.

Chris let’s out a groan. “I see you are reading more of your romance novel book boyfriends that nobody will ever measure up to,” Chris scolds.

“Garrett was calling to tell you about his day at school because he’s excited about it and you treat him like he’s a total inconvenience for calling!” I yell, pissed at his nonchalant attitude.

A woman’s voice faintly says, “Hey, sexy, I’m back with the groceries so we can start making dinner. You should see what I bought to wear for dessert.”

Maybe his dad has a girlfriend. That idea is laughable though with his womanizing track record. I suddenly freeze in my tracks, and for a moment, I feel like I can’t breathe. She couldn’t have been talking to him, right?

“I am just wrapping up a long overdue phone call, baby. I’ll be there in a moment,” Chris purrs to the woman, obviously forgetting to mute the phone. “Look, Mia,” Chris comes back to the phone and says firmly, “I met someone. She’s smart, funny, knows how to have fun and isn’t afraid to experiment in the bedroom. She loves to suck my cock and is the complete opposite of you.”

His words hit me like a punch to my gut. I won’t cry, I tell myself. “Well, I hope you and your cocksucker are very happy together. I have to go. My children need me,” I say calmly, yet quickly and I hang up the phone. I rush outside to the garage, which is detached from the house.

“You worthless son of a bitch!” I scream at the top of my lungs. My phone is blowing up with callbacks from Chris. When I don’t answer, he starts sending a string of text messages.

Chris: You think keeping my kids from me and ignoring me is going to save our marriage? It’s over, Mia!

Chris: Answer your phone, you selfish bitch!

Chris: You won’t succeed at keeping the kids from me, Mia.


Chris: I swear, Mia, if you don’t answer your phone…

Undoubtedly upset, I call my brother Cal and ask him to come over for dinner. He’s one of my best friends. He’s also dating one of my other best friends, Brie.



After dinner…

“Brie, let’s go play Mario Karts!” Garrett says excitedly to Brie.

“Okay, we can go to the game room. Ari can play with her little critter treehouse she loves so much while we play Mario Karts,” Brie announces.

She’s such an amazing friend; she just knows I need adult time with my brother right now. She takes Garrett and Arianna down the hall to the game room. As soon as they are out of ear shot, Cal demands, “Spill it!”

I told him everything that has transpired with Chris right up to the phone call and showed him the text messages.

“He was at the bar while you were in the hospital with Ari?” Cal asks shocked.

“Yeah. I chalked it up as his way of dealing,” I reply quietly.

“No! Mia, when your child is sick and in the hospital? You don’t deal by going to the bar, you deal by sitting with your spouse and sick child and helping them through it,” he says angrily.

“It happened so long ago,” I defend.

“Mia! You were alone! Your family was five hours away! He should have fucking been there!” Cal roars.

“Cal, please! I also told you about the woman in the background during the phone call today,” I say on a sob.

“There are no words to describe him right now. I…” I can tell my brother is livid beyond any point he has ever been up until now.

“Carter is going to have to…” I trail off, Carter is our brother. He’s also a lawyer who practices family law.

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