Rusty grinned. “Okay, I spotted you and I wanted to see how you were taking my lessons on board.”
“Oh, God.” I buried my face in my palm. It was even worse than I’d thought, then. “Sorry you had to see that.”
“There,” Rusty exclaimed indignantly. “That’s what I’m talking about. All that… dissing yourself. If you just cut that out and looked around you at who else is watching you, you’d find a lot more interest than you think. I know I saw you turn down several guys.”
I’d done what? I stared at him, mind-boggled. I couldn’t remember anyone approaching me tonight, and I certainly hadn’t been drinking that much.
“See?” Rusty said gently and put his hand on my shoulder. “You didn’t even realize you were doing it. Honey, you’ve got so much time to explore. To figure out where you want to be in that crowd. Don’t waste your time convincing yourself that you don’t fit in, because you do.”
I frowned. “Not like they do,” I protested, even though the sentiment was nice. I hadn’t spent five, ten, or fifty years immersed in the intimacy I’d always craved. I’d denied myself, for years and years, and I was only just learning.
This intimacy, however unfamiliar, was also a balm for a wounded soul. I’d never talked to another man like this, and knowing there was an undercurrent of attraction throbbing under it all made it even sweeter. I felt like Rusty actually saw me, like he’d said earlier that day.
“You want to know the one thing I think we all have in common?” Rusty finally asked, his head tipped to the side as he tapped the mug with one fingernail.
I was eager for anything that might help me fit in. “What?”
“We all feel like we don’t fit in. Some of us spent years waiting to join the club—and I can’t imagine what that’s like,” Rusty said softly. “But others have been in it our whole lives and we still don’t feel quite right. I’m always searching for something I just don’t seem to be able to find there. But I keep coming back.”
“What’s that?” I asked, catching my breath.
“Love.” Rusty didn’t even laugh or roll his eyes as he said it. He was totally sincere, and that vulnerability left me breathless. “I want a relationship,” he continued, fidgeting with his shirt. He twisted it over his shoulder into a whirl around his fingers. “I’ve slept around and it was fun, but I’m over it. It always felt empty, and I don’t like feeling empty.”
“That’s how I think I’d feel,” I nodded. Then, embarrassed, I glanced down at my coffee cup. “Not that I’ve tried, yet. I don’t know how good I’d be. I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Aww,” Rusty teased, but his teasing was gentle. He nudged my cup with a fingertip. “You’re a hot commodity. You’ll figure it out. And maybe you’ll find the one. If that’s… what you’re after.”
“Yes,” I admitted. “It sounds weird to jump in and just want to find the one, right? But I do.”
Rusty chuckled and pointed at himself. “Helloooo. Me too. You’re not alone there, babe. I just want some nice husband material, but they run away from the bar as soon as they get there. And then I have to go hunt them down and drag them back in like a caveman.”
I grinned bashfully, suddenly unable to look him in the eye. He was totally flirting with me again, and I didn’t know how to respond to that. So instead I shook my head. “I’m glad that you can say that so easily. Husband material.”
“Oh, yeah,” Rusty chuckled. “Even before it was legal, I wanted that. It seemed inevitable. Once the world got over itself, it would be. I just had to wait—and find the right guy anyway, which is still an ongoing saga,” he sighed dramatically.
I chuckled. “Back when Chrissy and me got married, when you were in diapers…” Oh shit, that’s not far off, either. I blushed and hurried on as Rusty laughed and flipped me off. “There was no inkling equality like we have now was even possible. I still can’t believe it.”
“Welcome to the future, baby,” Rusty told me, resting his warm palm on the back of my hand. “I hope it’s everything you’ve always wanted.”
My chest was tight, and heat prickled the corners of my eyes. It is, I wanted to say. Even though I was sad and single, I wasn’t trying to live a life that wasn’t mine. I didn’t have to hide who I was, or try to persuade myself I could be that guy.
I could dance with a cute guy, take him home, talk about gay life, and it was all okay.
See? It’s fine, I told myself, a smile creeping over my face as I watched him try to hide a yawn. “You’re exhausted. I should let you get home.”
Rusty nodded. “Sorry,” he laughed. “I’m not bored of you. Far from it. I was just up early.” Then he grinned. “And you have a long week of practice ahead of you.”
I groaned. “Oh, no. Now I have to get better, so I don’t embarrass my teacher.”
“Someone ought to make me proud,” Rusty said, clicking his tongue as he stood up and let go of my hand, draining the last of his coffee. “It won’t be those groomsmen.”
I laughed. “At anything in life,” I agreed.
“See, those are the kind of guys I usually end up going home with, when I do give in and let myself do it,” Rusty grumbled. “And I have a lot less fun.”
Well, that was a relief. “You’ll find the right one, too,” I promised, smiling at him. “You’re a hell of a catch.”
Rusty tossed his head like he was whipping a long ponytail in a big, dramatic circle. “Me?” He fluttered his lashes. “How kind of you to say.”
I laughed, but I was transfixed by him. It felt like the whole room darkened around him, and he sucked the light from every corner. I couldn’t help watching him wherever I went.
“I’ll call you a taxi,” I said quickly, reaching for my phone.
Rusty snorted, digging his out. “I’m on it,” he told me.
“At least let me pay.” I put aside my phone and went for my wallet instead, like it was a duel.
“Aww. It’s called Uber, babe.” Rusty grinned, glancing up from the screen to usher my hand away.
“So… I can’t give you cash?” I asked, still holding out a twenty. I’d heard of Uber, of course, but I didn’t know how it worked.
Rusty laughed and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “No, you can’t. It’s all digital.”
“See?” I groaned and put away my wallet. I was so embarrassed I had to make it into a joke instead of try to cover the moment. “I’m outdated. And that’s not even touching all gay apps. I have no idea how I’d even start with them.”
“Good,” Rusty told me with a disdainful shake of his head. “Terrible places, gay apps. Okay, my Uber’s close by.”
“I’ll walk you out, at least.” I stood and led the way back to my front door, waiting as he pulled his shoes on. “Thank you for coming home with me, Rusty. Even if we only had coffee.”
Rusty beamed as he straightened up and tugged his clothes into place. Then he took me by the shoulders. I felt complete in between his hands, like he’d just mended my spirits and put me back together. “It was my pleasure, honey. You don’t owe me anything. I like the coffee.”