That was a lie. It didn’t keep me busy at all. I cashed the checks, and paid cleaners and maintenance staff to take care of everything else. My ex hadn’t even wanted any of the income from the rentals, and had insisted I keep it. She took her share of the family house when we sold it, and that was it, apart from child support. The generous settlement her brother gave me when he bought out my half of the business, combined with Violet insisting I keep the vacation rentals for myself, made me feel worse than if she’d fought tooth and nail for every penny. As it was, it felt like I’d been paid handsomely to just go away.
“You have any hobbies?”
I snorted. “Did I not list any on my dating profile?”
She laughed, her nose wrinkling. “You didn’t, actually. I studied it carefully.”
I did have one hobby, but it wasn’t something I wanted to share. I’d recently begun doing some small, decorative wood carvings in my basement. It was a fairly new hobby but I was really enjoying it. Plus, it helped pass the time. I wasn’t sure if the creativity was brand new or something I’d suppressed while raising a family, but I was grateful for it. Apart from my love of beer, it was the only thing keeping me calm and moderately happy lately.
But I opted not to tell Bonnie about this particular hobby. I’d made that mistake with a couple of my buddies when we had ‘how are you doing after the divorce’ obligatory beers in the pub. I learned the hard way that when you told people you did something artistic, they always wanted to fucking see it.
I’d succumbed to one such request from Danny, who’d been my neighbor while I was married, and still lived in my old neighborhood with his wife Emma. I took him down to the basement and showed him my little tree carvings, and he hummed and frowned a lot but ultimately told me they were ‘interesting’ which was good enough for me. I learned later, however, that my ex-wife heard I was making ‘some weird shit’ in the basement, and she wanted to know if I was all right.
Granted, I’d always been Mr. Practical, so it wasn’t unreasonable that Violet would be surprised to discover I was being creative in my basement. But I didn’t think it would make her question my mental stability. Her cautious, soft-voiced inquiry suggested I was down there sewing body parts I’d dug up from the cemetery.
“I don’t really have any hobbies,” I said to Bonnie. “I need to find some now that I don’t have the business anymore.”
“You could still be a builder though, couldn’t you? Maybe do odd jobs or work for someone else?”
“Yeah, but…since my brother in law bought me out, he’s the main man in town for that. I’d feel like I was competing with him if I did anything large scale, and I’m too bossy and too much of a control freak now to work for someone else.”
Bonnie laughed. “You don’t seem bossy at all! Or like a control freak. You seem laid back.”
I scoffed. “My kids would say different, I’m sure. Anyway, guess I’ll have to figure something out to occupy my time. Shit. I sound like an old retiree. Starting to feel like one too.”
“You’re not old,” she said. “But hell, I’d retire in my thirties if I could. Do you miss it, though? The work?”
Sighing, I took another swill of beer, discomfort returning. “I don’t, really. The work was a means to an end from the start. I was good at it, and I had a family to support.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
“Yeah, I’m sure I will.” Another lie.
I was surprised to find that it felt good to talk, even if I was only sharing tidbits of my life, and hiding others. It made me feel lighter, making me realize how alone I’d been lately. But I didn’t want to use my date as a therapist. I’d already annoyed this woman once tonight, so I was being careful.
But to my surprise, Bonnie was looking at me with kindness, a touch of desire in her eyes that made me feel guilty again. I hadn’t been angling for a sympathy fuck, but it looked like things might be heading that way regardless.
“Listen,” she said, reaching over and grasping my hand. “You know how I mentioned my sister having a big birthday party next weekend? Well, she’s turning thirty. It’s gonna be quite a bash. How would you like to come with me?”
“Um…oh. To your sister’s house?”
“Well, technically the party is at my other sister’s house, but yeah. I could use a date. A lot of my friends will be there. You’ll like them, they’re pretty lowkey.” She frowned. “Was I…reading things wrong here? Why do you look like I just asked you to cut off your dick and eat it?”
Shit. She wasn’t just inviting me on a third date, she was asking me to join her at a significant event, her sister’s birthday. A ‘meet the friends and family’ kind of deal. It felt too soon for that.
I couldn’t imagine introducing her to my family, my kids. I still barely knew her. And if I agreed to this, I’d probably be sending the wrong signals. To accept would be misleading, because while I liked this woman, I wasn’t feeling her the way she was feeling me. I wasn’t even sure I wanted someone in my life right now. It was more that I felt like I should have someone in my life. And Bonnie, this lovely woman sitting across from me, deserved better. She deserved someone who was interested in moving forward, and though I wished like hell I felt that, I just didn’t, at least not yet.
So despite it being awkward, I intended to be both honest and sensitive. “Do you think that’s a good idea though? Me going to a family party with you?”
She stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“Taking me. To a family party. We’ve only had two dates. I’m just…you know.”
Withdrawing her hand, she nodded. “Oh. I see.”
“Bonnie, I think you’re great. It’s just a little too soon for that, don’t you think?”
She laughed, suddenly digging in her purse. “I wasn’t asking you to marry me, Kurt. It’s just a fucking party.” She threw some cash on the table and stood.
“Hang on, what are you doing?”
“I’m leaving.”
“No, come on. You can’t leave. You haven’t even finished your dinner.”
“What’s the point in staying? You obviously don’t see anything happening with us, if you’re scared of a stupid party just because my family will be there.”
“I was trying to be honest. I didn’t mean to offend you. Come on, you live a half hour away, at least let me drive you home, we can talk.”
“I’ll call a Lyft.”
“Bonnie come on, is this a deal-breaker? I said it was too soon, that’s all.”
“And maybe it is, Kurt, but now I’m humiliated, and I’d just rather be done with this date. I don’t want you to drive me home.”
I looked at the cash she’d left on the table. Flushed and grasping at straws, I scooped it up and tried to hand it back to her. “Well, you don’t have to pay anything, I’ve got the check.”
Looking down at me, she chuckled. “Well, you sure gave up easy. I guess I’m stupid, but figured you’d try a little harder to change my mind.”
“I just did try to change your mind! I said stay. Look, I’m new to dating again, and I’m not very good at it.”