Home > Real Men Knit(9)

Real Men Knit(9)
Author: Kwana Jackson

   Decisions must be made, and it was time for him to finally step up and take his place once and for all to be the type of Strong brother that Mama Joy always wanted him to be.

 

* * *

 

 

   “Are you out of your damned mind?” Of course, this question that wasn’t really a question but more of a statement of fact was coming from Damian’s lips.

   “No, I’m not,” Jesse said, trying his best to stay calm. It would do no good for him to yell or, hell, show much emotion for that matter. Not when it came to sparring with Damian. Even though his decision and, he knew, even those of his brothers would be purely based on emotion if they ended up going his way.

   “In what world does it make sense to keep the shop open? Shit, Mama Joy was barely able to keep it hanging on all these years,” Damian said. “How she made do, we’ll never know, since she never shared her financial problems with us. Not even with me. But I’m sure a large part of it was from city grants, subsidies and some of her magic luck, which, now that she’s gone, is also gone right along with her.”

   Jesse thumbed his hand toward Damian and looked at his other two brothers. “See what I mean. An asshole. And worse, an asshole with no vision or faith.”

   “Oh, come on with that bull,” Damian said. “How far is some crap like faith really going to get any of us? Besides that, when have you ever had vision?”

   Jesse raised a brow and gave his brother a knowing look. “Really? I can’t believe you’re going there.”

   Damian threw up his hands. “You know what, I’m not. Because this conversation is ridiculous. The fact remains that none of us know anything about running this place. Not that we’d have the time even if we did.” Damian snorted and gave Jesse a side-eye. “All except you, that is.”

   “He’s right,” Lucas piped in as he pushed back and got up from his seat at the large farmhouse table, on the way snagging another one of the muffins that Kerry had put out. So very Lucas. He would not be goaded into rushing his words and instead took the long way around. He pushed back his bangs, which had grown long over the past week, with Mama Joy’s death and the funeral arrangements. Jesse knew he’d trim them soon before going back to work. He watched as Lucas leisurely walked around the display of new yarns that Mama Joy had set up in the corner by the front window the week before last. With his muscular but still trim firefighter frame, Lucas could barely fit around the tight display and had to take it sideways. Still he looked comfortable as he picked up a skein of marled wool in shades of blue and held it up, inspecting the various tones, giving it a caress before placing it back in the basket. He took a bite of the muffin in his other hand and looked at Jesse as he chewed. The long, dark, assessing stare gave Jesse not a clue about which way his brother would go. Finally, Lucas spoke. “Come on, Jes. Though it sounds like a nice idea in theory, Damian is right.”

   Shit. Not the way Jesse was hoping.

   “None of us really know anything about the shop or the day-to-day running of it. This was Ma Joy’s domain,” Lucas said, using the sweet endearment that the four of them sometimes called her, before he continued, “and pretty much just our pass-through on the way upstairs to our living quarters.”

   “You mean our home?” Jesse countered, and watched as Lucas’s jaw tightened. “You know as well as I do that this place has been way more than just a pass-through. And even though you’re at the firehouse most nights now, you still pass through here plenty. We all do.” Jesse turned toward Damian. “You included, whether you want to admit it or not. It’s not like you totally gave up your room-slash-closet. But using it as just storage space, I’m sure, makes giving it up easy for you.”

   Damian glared. “Of course giving up our home isn’t easy. How can it be an easy decision?” For a moment Jesse thought he may have seen a flash of pain come across Damian’s features. “But how can it be considered our home without her?” They all fell silent and the air went impossibly still. Damian shook his head. “No, it’s too much. And I don’t think you can handle it. She could barely handle it. You would be in for some really hard work, pretty much for the first time in your life. And we each have our own lives. We can’t be here to bail you out when you fuck it up.”

   Jesse clenched his fists. “I’m not going to fuck it up.”

   “How do you know?” Damian countered. “Do you know how many businesses fail in a year?”

   “But this is an established business with a built-in clientele and reputation.”

   “And I’m coming to you all now saying we could sell and have cash in hand. There are already buyers who have been getting in touch with me,” Damian countered.

   Jesse shook his head. “Really? It’s been one day since the funeral and you expect us to believe that? You really are the worst. Are they getting in touch with you or are you getting in touch with them?”

   Damian glared at him. “Believe what you want. You will anyway. You’ve always been a dreamer and in your own head. Mama Joy went along and fed into that, but it’s time for it to stop. Buyers have been getting in touch with me and Mama Joy for years. And like back then, I wouldn’t entertain them, because doing so would feel like betraying Ma by turning my back on you. So how about you shut up and listen for once.”

   “Okay, this is getting a little off topic, and we need to calm down,” Noah said by way of cooling the room.

   Jesse breathed deeply. Noah was right, and he knew he wouldn’t get anywhere with Damian. He also knew he had to get it together and get ahold of himself. It was time to change tactics. Letting go and overplaying his hand would do him no good. So instead he focused and mentally centered himself before standing.

   “Come on, Noah,” he said changing plays and switching brothers. Noah thought differently than Damian and Lucas. He always had, though he traveled a lot now as a professional backup dancer and was about to go on tour again. He’d only recently gone in on a sublet, and Jesse knew he didn’t want to lose the assurance their home here gave him. Just like his brothers, Noah still kept the bulk of his memories stored in the fourth-floor space he shared with Lucas. Looking into Noah’s eyes, Jesse could see how torn he was. If Jesse had any real shot, it was probably through getting Noah on his side.

   “Noah, you get what I’m talking about. You know how important the shop—this space and our home is.” He decided to add a little hard reality to the emotional side of things. “Not to mention, you’re only subletting now. You”—he looked at Damian and Lucas then—“as well as all of us know that there are no guarantees in life. Your tour will be over pretty quickly. Apartments, rents and landlords are unstable as shit. Do we really want to give up on our home so easily?”

   There was a satisfying grunt from the Damian corner of the shop with that one, and Jesse continued his campaign on Noah.

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