She counted out the four weeks, and the little red dot was there. The black circle wasn’t. In panic, she counted back a further four weeks, and both the dot and the circle were clearly there.
The room started to swim around her, and the doctor gently eased her head forward. ‘Keep your head down, and take some deep breaths,’ he advised, and watched her carefully for a minute.
Wendy lifted her head. ‘What do I do now?’
‘You don’t take the contraceptive pill, that’s for sure,’ the doctor said. ‘I’m going to refer you for antenatal care, and around February time you’ll have a brand new baby. Look, Wendy, I realise it isn’t what you wanted at this point in your life, but it’s happened. Go home and tell your husband that instead of your prescription, you’re having a baby. It’s obvious you’ve discussed contraception and decided the pill is a more reliable way and your particular way going forward, but you won’t be taking it until after this baby is born. Will you be okay? You have a bit more colour than you did five minutes ago,’ he said with a gentle smile. The news had really stymied her.
Wendy stood. ‘Thank you, Dr Charlesworth. I wait for a letter?’
‘You do, and they will give you your first appointment. Good luck, Wendy, and I’m sure when you both get your head around the news, you’ll be absolutely delighted.’
Wendy walked home. She needed thinking time, and the news delivered by the doctor had driven away thoughts of a shopping trip.
More than needing thinking time, she needed Nell time. For a few moments Wendy raged against her friend for leaving her; she had nobody to talk to other than Mike, and talking wasn’t at the top of his list for entertainment. Two or three club memberships put paid to evenings in together, and the other evenings seemed to be taken up with entertaining his friends and clients.
She was lonely. Her footsteps slowed, and she sat down on a garden wall, afraid she was going to faint. Realising this had happened a couple of times over the last week, she gave a rueful grin. It was obviously a part of early pregnancy, her body changing, but when you don’t know you’re pregnant, it’s standing up too quickly, or eating too much chocolate, or trying to believe the backhanded blow to the head hadn’t caused it…
The journey home seemed to take a lot longer than the earlier journey to the doctor’s surgery. She had set out with a definite jauntiness in her stride, happy that she was taking control of her life, her destiny, possibly even thinking of Nell’s words in her first letter, hook up with me.
Wendy wouldn’t be hooking up with anyone now, that option had disappeared in some test tube somewhere. And was she truly ready for the pain of childbirth? She shivered as she put her key in the lock of the front door. No, she bloody wasn’t ready for giving birth, and she certainly wasn’t ready for the nine months of waiting for it.
‘They’ll give you a due date at the hospital,’ Dr Charlesworth had said. A due date? Suddenly it was real, and in her brain was the true probability that her birthday money would be spent on maternity clothes, and not the short skirts and dresses she had set out that morning to buy.
She sat at the kitchen table and dropped her head onto her arms.
Five minutes later, her shoulders aching, she lifted her head, gave a deep sigh and stood. Acceptance of the situation was written into her features, and she moved across to switch on the kettle. A cup of coffee would help.
She made the drink, lifted it to her mouth and as the smell hit her, she retched. She threw it down the sink, and started again with tea. Another big change for this momentous day – coffee was no longer for her.
Taking her cup of tea through to the lounge, she sat at the bureau and took out her stationery set. It seemed ironic that this was to have been her hiding place for her contraceptive pills. Sliding out a sheet and picking up the pen she had bought specially for writing to Nell, she wrote her address at the top of the page.
Tuesday 5th June 1979
My lovely Nell,
I have such exciting news to tell you. I have arrived home from the doctor’s, and I am expecting a baby. It will be born February, although I don’t have a proper date yet. They will give me that at the hospital when I start my antenatal appointments.
This is so overwhelming; I can say that with a lot of confidence! A child, growing inside me! And you will be the baby’s Aunty Nell, and its godmother, of course, so don’t plan on being in far-flung places next spring, because I will need you to be here.
I actually would have loved you to be here for the whole of the time, because while it is exciting, it’s also bloody scary. I think I need to go and see Beryl, ask her a few questions, because I can’t really talk to Mum about stuff like this. Don’t get me wrong, you know I love her, but everything I know is from you and from school, not from her. I’m also going to get a book from the library about it, I know nothing about children.
Mum and Dad gave me money for my birthday – Mum said she was sick and tired of seeing me in the same clothes, and wanted me to go and buy lots of new stuff. I’ve decided to save it and get some maternity clothes when I need them. I’m sure Mike will go with me for the baby stuff we will need.
I have so much to learn.
Did you have a good birthday? I sent a card but it’s difficult never knowing if you’re still in the same place. I know you’ve only recently arrived at this address, so you should get this letter.
Fancy us both reaching twenty-one! Soon be middle-aged, then in our fifties. Depressed now? Sorry, you know I love you.
Write back quickly, won’t you? I need to know how you feel about my wonderful news. The doctor says I can go on the pill as soon as I’ve had the baby. And soon I’ll have boobs as big as yours!
Love you, Nell,
Wendy
PS I’m going to break the news to Mike tonight. Wish me luck x
PPS I forgot! I passed my driving test! First time! Mike has bought me a cheap little Mini and I love it. She’s called Wendell and she’s red with a white stripe down the side. See what I did there? Combined our names. Miss you, best friend ever.
Wendy walked slowly to the postbox, and slipped the flowery envelope through the slit. She felt better because it was on its way, and her step was a little lighter as she returned home.
Shepherd’s pie, she decided, we’ll have something we can’t normally have when we have guests.
It didn’t take long to make, and she sat for an hour reading. By the time Mike walked into the lounge, she had put the book under a cushion and stood to greet him.
‘Smells good,’ he said.
‘Me, or the meal?’ She attempted a joke but he didn’t smile.
‘The meal. What are we having?’
‘Shepherd’s pie.’
‘What? Minced meat?’
‘I’ve used lamb…’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, let’s get it over with.’ He poured a whisky, and headed into the dining room.
There had been silence for too long.
‘Mike, I have something to tell you.’
He glanced up from the rice pudding. ‘It’s tinned. You’re going to tell me it’s tinned rice pudding, aren’t you?’ He threw the spoon down into the dish.