I say my thanks then an arm immediately crawls over my shoulder. Startled, I glance up even though I already know who it is. I’m fined tuned to him.
Chris is smiling like he hasn’t a care in the world.
“Trying to chat up my girl again, John?” He winks at me before turning his head towards John. I don’t smile. I’m still mad about last night.
“Ah, you know me, Chris. I can’t resist the beautiful ladies.”
Chris doesn’t respond. Instead he tugs me to him. “I missed you.” When I don’t reply, he frowns. “What’s wrong?”
Through gritted teeth, I say, “The fact that you don’t even know is what makes this worse.”
Grabbing my hand, he pulls me out of the café and away from prying eyes. When we’re alone with only the traffic going by, I sigh aloud. “I’m supposed to be working.”
Chris locks me with his pale blue eyes. Eyes which now shine from all the sleep he’s had. No one would ever think looking into those eyes that dark secrets lurk beneath them.
“Fuck work, Bri. You and I are more important.” I’m about to respond when he says, “Look at the amount of times you’ve worked overtime in that place, and not once have you been paid or even appreciated.” I don’t respond to that as in a way he’s right. It still pisses me off, though. When my shoulders sag in defeat, he says, “This is about last night.”
My eyes widen at his angelic face. Funny how monsters present themselves as angels. “No shit, Sherlock.”
“Bri, don’t be flippant with me. I know I fucked up…”
“Fucked up? Chris, you were so inebriated that some skank was trying to suck you off and you were completely unaware!” Chris’s lips thin, annoyance making his forehead crinkle. He’s about to respond when I cut him off. “How would you feel if you walked in on me, jeans down at my ankles, as some arsehole goes down on me while I’m out cold on the sofa?”
Chris grabs his hair in frustration. “Don’t even fucking say that. I don’t want to picture that shit in my head. You know that if anyone even breathes on you, they’re fucking dead.” I look away, and when I do, Chris sighs, grabbing my arms to make me look back at him. When I give him my full attention, his face softens again. That same angelic look he always gives me when he’s after something. “Do you really believe that if I had known what was going on that I would have let it happen? I’m not the one in the wrong here.”
And just like that, I feel like shit. He’s right. He’s the victim here. If it had been the other way around, it would have been considered sexual assault. Here I am, practically blaming him for what that bitch did.
“I know you never would have let her do those things. That’s not why I’m mad. I’m mad because you got yourself in such a state that you didn’t even know what was happening to you. Why? Why do you fucking do that?”
“You know fucking why, Bri. Just for that one moment, I don’t have to think about all the shit in my head. It never fucking stops. And when you’re not there…”
I step back. “Whoa, don’t start that shit with me, Chris. I’m always there. It’s just part of the day when I’m at work. I’ve told you time and time again that this is one thing you need to let me have. Everything else is yours. Besides, you never let me around you when you’re doing business. Not that I’d want to anyway. I want no part of it.”
Chris bites his lip then closes the distance between us. He cups my face in his hands, searching my eyes with his. He doesn’t do it often, but when he does, it’s like I’m held captive, completely mesmerised. In that moment, it’s only him and me.
“Please forgive me. I’m trying to be a better man for you. I will be. Only a few more months and I’ll raise enough cash for us to leave this fucking hellhole behind and start afresh. It’ll be just you and me then. No one will be able to stand in our way.”
I raise a smile, but it’s forced. I think that Chris truly believes that if we run away from here, that he will leave all his monsters behind. But it doesn’t work like that. He needs help. Help that I’m incapable of giving him. He thinks I’m his medicine, that I can cure him. It’s only me who realises just how wrong he truly is.
“It’s not about you trying for me. It’s about you trying for you.”
Chris smiles, flicking my nose with his own, the smell of marijuana hitting my nostrils. “You should know by now that I only live for you.”
Unfortunately, I believe him. He’s so reliant upon me that he is incapable of living without me. He’s said countless times that if I ever went before him, he would soon follow.
“Kiss me,” he whispers, breathing his hot breath into my own.
I don’t need much coaxing. I never have. Just like that, I’m under his spell again, being pulled under by some unseen force. His lips touch mine, gently teasing them open before he slides his tongue in. He pulls me close, causing a small whimper to leave my lips.
“I want to be inside you.”
I’m so caught up that for that one small moment I forget where I am. I forget that I’m supposed to be at work and that I only came out to grab breakfast for my boss and I. For that brief second when he mentions being inside me, it’s all I want too.
But then last night floods back to me too. I pull away from him. “How do I know that slut hasn’t given you something?”
Chris smirks, like me telling him he could have an STD amuses him. “I went to the doctor first thing. Paid a fucking fortune to get the tests expedited so I’ll know within the next couple of days.”
I nudge him. “That means no sex for you tonight.”
Placing an arm around me, he turns us so that we can head back inside the café. “That’s okay. I can just snuggle with my baby.”
I laugh at that because every time we have tried to just “snuggle”, it ends up with us having sex. It’s like we’re addicts. We simply can’t help ourselves.
I’m about to open the door, but he tugs at me. I look up at him and frown at the crooked lines in his forehead. “So we’re good?”
I smile because I know this is Chris’s insecurity coming out. He always says that we should never walk away from the other angry. “You just never know when life decides that this day is your last.”
“We’re good.”
Chris nods, his cheeky grin infectious. “That’s all I need to know.”
We head back in where the rolls are ready. I grab them, pay, and once out of the café again, Chris pulls me to him, giving me another kiss that takes my breath away. When he pulls away, his face looks so young, reminding me of better times. My stomach twists—the memories all too consuming. I push them from my head as I don’t want to think about the past. That was another life—a life that wasn’t me.
I’m not that girl anymore.
“Call me when you’re on your way home. Okay?”
I nod my head and watch as he walks away, immediately pulling his phone out to call his troops, no doubt. When I turn my head to walk back, I’m momentarily startled to find my boss staring out at me from the shop’s window. No expression. Just his normal blank face. We stare, my heart in my mouth, my stomach twisting in knots, because not only did he catch me kissing a man when I should be at work, but also the fact that he knows without a shadow of a doubt that I belong to someone.