“I’ll keep that in mind for next time. Let an old man have his fun, Robbie. Is it so much to ask to want to see you happy?”
I sighed, knowing I’d lost. I couldn’t deal whenever he got sentimental, and he knew it. “Just… if it happens, it happens, okay? I’ll know when it’s right. I don’t want to force it.”
“I know you don’t. Now, if that’s all, I’ll take my leave. I have things to attend to before we depart.”
Michelle nodded. “That’s fine. I want you to keep in touch for as long as you’re there, if you should find the need to stay longer than a couple of days. Keep me informed.”
“Of course, Alpha. Robbie, would you please—”
“Robbie stays.”
That caught him off guard. He looked between us. “Come again?”
Michelle looked stern. “I need to have a discussion with my second.”
I blinked in surprise. She’d never called me that before. I hadn’t even known that was on the table. Granted, she didn’t seem to have any other wolf who could have been her second—none that I knew of, anyway—but hearing it spoken aloud made me want to howl with joy.
“Of course,” Ezra said, bowing low. He stood upright again and squeezed my shoulder. “I have much to prepare for. There is a young witch named Gregory I need to speak with. He’s bright and eager, though a little foolhardy, even as he asks question after question. Reminds me of someone I know. I’ll see you at home, all right? We’ll leave bright and early, so don’t stay out too late.”
I nodded, barely hearing his words. I was still stuck on second.
He closed the door behind him, leaving us alone.
I tried to find the words to show my appreciation, practically vibrating in my chair, but Michelle spoke first. “Are you happy here, Robbie?”
“Yes,” I said immediately, and it was mostly the truth.
She watched me for a moment before nodding. “These dreams you’re having.”
I shifted in my chair. “Everyone dreams.”
“I know that. But is this different?”
“I’m a wolf. I dream of wolves. I don’t know how else to dream. It’s always been this way.” It was close to a lie, but not so close that she’d be able to tell.
“You’re important to me.” She said it stiffly, like she wasn’t used to expressing her emotions. Oh, Michelle cared about her pack, but sometimes her concern felt… mechanical. Almost perfunctory.
“Thank you, Alpha Hughes. I won’t let you down.”
“I know you won’t.” She glanced over my shoulder before looking back at me. “I need you to be on your guard.”
I was confused. “For what?”
“The wolves in Virginia. They… we don’t know what they’ll do. What they’ll say.”
I wasn’t worried. “It’s probably just a simple miscommunication. Easy fix.”
“Maybe,” she said. She began to tap her fingernails on the desk again, a habit I thought came from nerves. “But if it’s not, do what you need to in order to protect yourself. I expect you to return whole. Stick close to Ezra. Don’t be out of his sight.”
“Is there something else I should know?”
She shook her head. “Just keep an eye out, okay? That will be all.”
I stood as she did. I was surprised when she came around the desk again and took my hand in hers. Her eyes filled with red, and calm washed over me. It was soothing, being here with her. Part of me balked at how easy it was, but I knew my place. I was a Beta wolf. I needed an Alpha.
I needed her.
“You don’t need to worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
She smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “I know you can. But you’re mine. And I don’t take that responsibility lightly.”
I left her standing there in the middle of her office.
When I exited the house, the day was bright. I hoped winter was finally on its way out. The air still had a crisp bite to it, but the sun was warm.
I thought about going home, but I wasn’t ready to face Ezra. I was still a little pissed off he’d been talking to Michelle about me behind my back. I knew he did it out of concern, but it still irritated me.
And the thought of being cooped up with him for a long car ride didn’t help.
Instead of turning toward home, I left the compound and headed for the refuge.
The thick trees blocked out most of the sunlight. There were still patches of snow on the ground. I stopped as I entered the tree line, cocking my head and listening to the sounds of the forest. It was teeming with life. In the distance, deer were grazing. Birds were calling, calling, calling.
I crossed an old, rarely used dirt road.
I was alone.
I stretched my hands over my head, popping my back.
I needed to run.
I left my clothes and glasses in some bushes near the road. I dug my toes into the earth, slowly breathing in and out.
It started in my chest.
The wolf and I were one.
The first time I shifted hurt more than anything else I’d felt. I’d been on the cusp of puberty, and my skin felt like it was on fire. I screamed for days on end, my voice breaking and going hoarse, but still I screamed.
The wolves I’d been with weren’t pack, but they were close enough. They cared for me even though I wasn’t theirs. The Alpha held me against his chest, brushing my sweat-slick hair off my forehead. “Find it,” he said, his voice a growl. “Find your tether, Robbie. Find your tether and clutch it tightly. Let it wrap around you. Let it pull you to your wolf.”
“I can’t,” I cried at him. “Please, it hurts, make it stop, make it stop.”
His hands tightened around me, his claws dimpling my skin. He said, “I know it hurts. I know it does. But you are a wolf. And you will shift. But before you can, you have to find a way back.”
My back arched against his as I seized, my hands digging into his thighs. He grunted when my claws burst from the tips of my fingers, slicing into him, drawing blood. My mouth filled with saliva at the smell of it, coppery and sharp. The animal in me wanted to rend and tear until he let me go, but he was stronger than I was.
And just when I thought I could take no more, that I would rather die than let it go on, I heard her voice.
She sang, “Little wolf, little wolf, can’t you see? You are the master of the forest, the guardian of the trees.” She laughed. “Always quiet as a mouse. Let them hear you now.”
Memories can be funny things.
They can come when you least expect them to.
And when you need them most.
That was all she was. A memory.
But I latched on to it.
That first shift was a haze of instinct under the biggest moon. I barely remembered any of it, just the need to chase, chase, chase. The other wolves followed, howling so loudly that the very earth trembled with it.
Later, when I could run no more, they curled around me, my belly full of meat, and I slept.
The first shift was always the hardest.
Now?
Now it was easy.
The tether was there, as it always was.
My muscles began to quiver.
My bones began to shift.
There was pain, yes, but it was a good pain, and it hurt in such a terribly wonderful way.